

Oh, that's going to leave a mark. What the hell is that? THAT would be a one 20-year old (and clearly old enough to know better) Joey Lee Miller. But wait there's more! Behold!

And THAT would be a one 24-year old Matthew Allan McNelly. Both of these pinheads apparently hail from the bustling community of Carroll whose population was last counted to be 10,106. Hopefully the town is so small that everyone in it will know who these two chuckleheads are and will berate them relentlessly about this.
Here's the situation: According to the smoky folks over there at The Smoking Gun on Friday night, a "...911 caller told cops that two hoodie-wearing males were trying to enter his apartment". That scenari



How hot. Oh, that's just awesome. These two are awesome. I'm sure their parents are just beaming with pride! Tweedledee and Tweedledum were thought to have weapons on them, so they were taken into custody at gunpoint. "Each was charged with second-degree attempted burglary. McNelly was also charged with driving while intoxicated." Oh. I see. And another piece of the puzzle falls into place.

Of course. The seven words that accompany a story like the 99.9% of the time. "Authorities believe alcohol may have been involved." How much alcohol is the question I'd like answered. I'm guessing quite a bit if they were thinking that those 'disguises' were going to do anything at all other than get them arrested in less time than it took them to turn their face's into human Etch-a-Sketches.


Seriously, let's tak
e a closer look at these "disguises for the mentally inadequate", shall we? Obviously, they both clearly overestimated the power of a Sharpie permanent marker and seemed to believe that it possessed the ability to grant them the power of invisibility. But they must have really overestimated the Sharpie power, as they didn't even bother to cover their whole face. They didn't even take the time to cover half of their faces. But I did notice that they did have the time to draw a little star here on the face of Mr. Miller. Behold!


Yep. That's a star all right. What was he going for? Captain America? Wonder Woman? Nacho Libre? It's a really little star. But if we look closer at the face of Dip-S Number 2, we see that he went for a larger star around his eye. Behold!


He also appeared to be going for some Frankenstein-esque stitches here.

And here.

It seems pretty obvious to me that Mr. McNelly was striving for either the Ace Frehley look or the Paul Stanley. I don't know what the hell Mr. Miller was striving for? A Care Bear, perhaps? I wonder when it was during this idea of sheer brilliance that they decided that a couple of drawn on Frankenstein stitches would not suffice for a disguise that would allow them to make a clean getaway in the Roadmaster?

What have we learned here? Plenty. Most importantly though, we've learned that if you don't have the $2.99 or whatever it is to spring for a ski mask to wear during your inept and destined for failure crime spree of one apartment, just don't bother. Draw on your face all you'd like, but stay home for the love of God. Stay the hell home.
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