

What is wrong with you that you've been married only since 2004 and you have two very small children at home with your Swedish bombshell of a wife and you're sleeping around with at least twelve different women. Well, for starters, you're an egotistical pig. To quote Keith Olbermann, we now know what Tiger's handicap is. It's cocktail waitresses.
I've composed a grid, a la Brady Bunch style, of the currently confirmed mistresses and the two alleged mistresses. Behold!


Bimbo Number One is Rachel Uchitel. (You can pronounce these chick's names any way you'd
like. That's the least of my concerns here. On with the bimbos!) So far, Uchitel has continued to deny that she is linked to Tiger Woods. Granted, she has latched onto despicable human being and sensationalistic media whore attorney Gloria Allred, so you really can't believe that she is completely innocent. Word lately is that she was paid at least a million dollars by Tiger's people to keep quiet about her affair with him. Pretty easy money for her, but money not so well spent by him, I'm thinking. I mean, big deal. She's quiet, but the other eight (so far) are talking. What? You think that his wife is going to be OK with only eight mistresses, but if she had found out it was nine that she would have flipped out? I don't think that's how these things work.



Bimbo Number Three is a one Kalika Moquin. She is 27-years old and manages some sort of a club in Vegas. According to the Herald Sun, when asked to comment on her alleged affair with Tiger Woods, "She would neither confirm nor deny the report." She was doing him.

Bimbo Number Five is a one Jamie Jungers. Congratulations to Ms.
Jungers for spelling her first name in a way that is traditional and normal. Not so much congratulations for having previously made her living as an employee of Trashy Girls Lingerie. Sounds classy, doesn't it? She is rumored to have sold her story to a British paper and that story should be coming out sometime this week. They'd better hurry. With the number of chicks coming out of the woodwork, no one is going to care if it....oh. Wait a minute. I'm not so sure that anyone cares now.



The seventh confirmed Bimbo is Holly Sampson. Ms. Sampson, according to The Sun, has starred "...in a string of fetish movies, including bondage flicks." What was that word I used a moment ago? Oh, that's right. Classy. She's starred in films such as "OMG, Stop Tickling Me" and "Flying Solo 2." Huh. Wow. So, that Stop Tickling Me movie, does that have Elmo in it? Like Tickle Me Elmo? Is it for the kids? And I don't recall having ever seen Flying Solo 1, the original, but I'm guessing it must have been pretty darned good if they made a sequel, wouldn't you agree? I'm guessing it must have been some sort of aviation instructional film, so it might not have had a widespread audience. That must be why I've never heard of it! Of course!

And finally (for now), Unconfirmed Bimbo Number Nine is "... a “sexy” British TV presenter who was single at the time, but is now married." See, this is what I was waiting for. Let's just assume that the first eight are all legitimate, as we have no reason to believe that they're not. That's just on this continent. Tiger has played in the British Open for the last 13 years (excluding 2008 when he was injured or something). Can we expect at least eight more bimbos across the pond to pop up? I think we can!
Wait! This just in! Unconfirmed Bimbo Number Ten! We have hit unconfirmed double digits o
f whores that Tiger Woods is cheating on his wife with! This one "...is reported in a UK paper to be a “sex-addicted cougar.” Hmmm. That one seems a little vague, but I am admittedly intrigued by the "cougar" label. Just exactly how cougar-ish are we talking? 40+? 50+? The elderly? What gives?

No one has seen this lying, cheating scumbag since the night of his unfortunate accident when he plowed into the tree after bouncing off of several hedges and a fire hydrant. I can only hope that he has been enduring many more beatings at the hands of his current (but I'm guessing not for long) wife Elin. Any guesses as to how many bimbos we're going to end up with as a grand total? I'll say 15. Minimum. If it hits 20, we might have hit a new low as far as cheaters go. Cheating in and of itself is pretty low, but with 20 different women? All I can say is that I hope Tiger catches something and his own personal driver shrivels up and falls off, if you know what I mean.


By the way, I need to thank my good friend, AliceAmplified, for providing me with the above image. I love Photoshop and all, but I can't take credit for this one. Thanks!
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