Teach Me Tiger...wah wah wah wah wah

I'm sure that I'm just hammering this whole Tiger Woods thing right into the ground. I'm aware of that. But there's nothing more than I enjoy than watching the self-induced implosion and subsequent fall of the overly sanctimonious. It's like a real reality show. And I find it awesome.

Naturally, I find nothing more awesome than that which can be attributed to a certain individual in a comedic form that it was not originally intended to be. Even more awesome than that is finding a gem such as that which is over fifty years old and still, when placed in the proper (and most amusing) context, will make you laugh with ironic glee. Today that source is a one April Stevens.

Now, I know you're saying "Who?" So did I. In fact, I'm still kind of saying "Who?", but it doesn't matter. April Stevens was a singer back in the 1950s and 1960s. It seemed as if she had a penchant for breathy music with sultry lyrics. More than one of her songs was banned from radio play, but that didn't stop them from climbing the charts. This particular number that I'll be discussing here made it clear up to number 86 on Billboard's charts.

In 1959, Ms. Stevens and her brother, a one Nino Tempo, knocked out a steamy little number entitled "Teach Me Tiger". Basically, the woman singing is wanting to have her man, her tiger, if you will, teach her things and touch her in places that are never mentioned. I'm not quite sure which part of the lyrics are my favorite. The beginning when she breathes out "Hi. Tiger!" Or perhaps it just the exquisite usage of the lyrics "wah wah wah wah wah". It's hard to fit a five-wah-er into music regardless of the decade.

Hi Tiger


Teach me tiger how to kiss you.. wah wah wah wah wah
Show me tiger how to kiss you.. wah wah wah wah wah

Take my lips,

they belong to you..

But teach me first, teach me what to do..
.

Touch me tiger when I'm close to you wah wah wah wah wah
Help me tiger I don't know what to do wah wah wah wah wah
I know that you
could love me too

But show me first, show me what to do


This is the first love
that I have ever known

What must I do

to make you my very own?

Teach me tiger how to tease you wah wah wah wah wah
Tiger, tiger I wanna squeeze you wah wah wah wah wah

All of my love

I will give to you
But teach me TIGER.. or I'll teach you

Tiger .. Tiger.. Tiger..

Special, eh? I thought you'd think so. The music is below. The accompanying video is merely a slideshow of a bunch of stills, but it shows you who this woman was at the time of her tantillizing and breathless recording. In fact, she's still an extremely attractive woman, fifty years after the fact. Behold!

She's gotta be what? 68-70? If we can look half that good when we're seventy, we'll be happy. In the meantime, while we're waiting to wither away into old age, what say we enjoy the song in it's newly found context - that of serial fornicator Tiger Woods.

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