I like to goof off at work as much as the next person. But I've decided that I want to take my shenanigans to a whole different level. And I want to be all shenanigan-y and not have to worry about any repercussions. That's what I want. Ergo, I want a job with the federal government.I'm sure that by now you've heard the story of how the Justice Department spent outrageous sums of money on minor items. What we're talking about specifically are things like spending sixteen dollars for one muffin and spending $8.24 for one cup of coffee and five bucks for a Swedish meatball. And all of this ridiculous gastronomical spending took place at conferences that the Justice Department held at places like the Hilton in San Francisco. Real smart.
Now look, I've been to plenty of conferences in my time. And this is what I can tell you about them:
They're boring as can be. No one really looks forward to them, though they do appreciate a day or two away from the regular grind whilst still getting paid. There isn't a single thing at a conference that can't be conveyed to the attendees in some memo or packet form. Oh, and the notion that you have to travel somewhere to attend a conference? Completely ludicrous. There's nothing that you need/want to "learn" that you need to travel to. Ask anyone. It's all bull. 
And after an audit revealed that the Justice Department spends money with less restraint than a drunken sailor on leave (my apologies to all drunken sailors, and thank you for your service), everyone was suddenly up in arms. Arms everywhere! And we heard quotes like this one from a one Charles E. Grassley as quoted in the Washington Post: "Sixteen-dollar muffins and $600,000 for event planning services are what make Americans cynical about government and why they are demanding change." Um, well, yeah. He's partially correct.
See, the follow up to revelations like this, again according to the Washington Post, went like this: "The Obama administration reacted to reports of $16 dollar muffins served at Justice Department conferences by ordering agencies to review the spending of taxpayer dollars at such meetings." Wait. That's ALL?!
ALL that they're going to do is ask agencies to REVIEW the spending of MY money?! Why in the bloody hell are they not doing that in the first place?! Remember all of that hope and change blather? Nothing has changed! Thus, my lack of hope! Don't you think that if "change" was your priority that you would have "changed" things a long time ago? Are you kidding me?! Some softhead out there (getting paid with MY money) thinks that it is OK to spend $16 each on many, many muffins and they don't get fired?!
I think that most people just assume that there is going to be waste. What makes us angrier than the waste is that nothing ever happens to the people who are buying all of these $16 muffins! They get to keep their job. Why is that?! It's MY money! I want them fired! I want people who have not a care in the world as to how they spend someone else's money on someone besides themselves FIRED. I don't want those people working in the federal government and I certainly don't want them in charge of anything having to do with accountability of finances! It's NOT irresponsibility. It's incompetence!
And I swear to you, if I read one, just ONE account of any of this incompetent spending having originated during the Bush administration, I am going to lose it. I don't care. This is what is happening now. And people need to be held accountable...by being fired. Also, if anyone out there has any idea what a $16 muffin tastes like, I'd like to know.
See, the follow up to revelations like this, again according to the Washington Post, went like this: "The Obama administration reacted to reports of $16 dollar muffins served at Justice Department conferences by ordering agencies to review the spending of taxpayer dollars at such meetings." Wait. That's ALL?! ALL that they're going to do is ask agencies to REVIEW the spending of MY money?! Why in the bloody hell are they not doing that in the first place?! Remember all of that hope and change blather? Nothing has changed! Thus, my lack of hope! Don't you think that if "change" was your priority that you would have "changed" things a long time ago? Are you kidding me?! Some softhead out there (getting paid with MY money) thinks that it is OK to spend $16 each on many, many muffins and they don't get fired?!
I think that most people just assume that there is going to be waste. What makes us angrier than the waste is that nothing ever happens to the people who are buying all of these $16 muffins! They get to keep their job. Why is that?! It's MY money! I want them fired! I want people who have not a care in the world as to how they spend someone else's money on someone besides themselves FIRED. I don't want those people working in the federal government and I certainly don't want them in charge of anything having to do with accountability of finances! It's NOT irresponsibility. It's incompetence!And I swear to you, if I read one, just ONE account of any of this incompetent spending having originated during the Bush administration, I am going to lose it. I don't care. This is what is happening now. And people need to be held accountable...by being fired. Also, if anyone out there has any idea what a $16 muffin tastes like, I'd like to know.
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