

See, it would seem that there is a version of English which is used over there across the pond in the UK known as Cockney or Cockney rhyming slang. It's an odd variation on regular English (you know, the kind with words and phrases where you know what the other person is actually talking about) where words are replaced by short rhyming phrases.


I think of slang as something that is catchy, easy to remember, and usually easier or shorter than the non-slang term. Cockney rhyming slang takes all of that conventional wisdom and throws it right on out the proverbial window and seems to be intent on being so ridiculously complicated that it makes no sense no matter which way you look at it. Unless you know what you're looking at and I don't know how you're ever going to want to get to that point.

Cockney slang takes individual words and replaces them with short phrases. Short phrases that rhyme with the word. Sort of. First, when I say "short phrases", "short" is only in comparison with other phrases that are longer, as you are substituting more words in the case of Cockney slang. And when I say that they sort of rhyme, I mean that at least one of the words in the short phrase that is used rhymes or kind of rhymes with the word that the phrase was substituted for. Sound confusing? I'm just getting started.
For example, and this from the site Phrespirit.info the word baby would be

One that I just can't wrap my he

Now take this whimsical version of language and infuse it into the

Instead of your PIN, you'll be asked for your Huckleberry Finn.

It will tell you that it is 'readin' your bladder of lard’ instead of reading your card.

The opening screen will ask you if you'd like ‘some moolah for ya sky rocket’ (some cash for your pocket) or 'Ya rattle & tank balance' (your bank balance). (OK, it seems like they're kind of stretching it with these two. They couldn't just have said "moolah"? I think they could have. And what's with the 'Ya'? Stretching it.)

And if you're checking that rattle & tank balance, you can have that information given to you on the Charlie Sheen (on the screen) or on fleet street (on a receipt).

Quick ‘sausage and mash’ won't curb your hunger, but it will give you Quick Cash.
And your 'bees and honey' (money) can be dispensed as a speckled hen (£10), a score (£20), a pony (£25), a ton (£100) and/or a monkey (£500). If you choose the Fast Sausage and Mash you'll also be able to select if you'd like a horn of plenty (£20), a dirty (£30), or a double top (£40).

But look at how ridiculous this is:

So, they'll call the receipt 'fleet street' on the one side of the screen, but then they'll just call it a regular ol' receipt on the other side of the screen. Why so? How come I can't have my sausage and mash on fleet street?
I don't really know how much this is going to influence whether or not the Cockney rhyming slang goes wayward or not. It's not an intuitive language where you can kind of figure out what something means by what it sounds like. No, this is the equivalent of combining Pig Latin with Klingon. And who's in charge of deciding which rhyming phrases go with which words? What if I don't like "bees and honey" as the Cockney slang for money? What if I want it to be "Jesus, I'm funny" instead? Are swear words allowed? Why eight words for hemorrhoids? What's Cockney rhyming slang for Cockney?
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