You know what is an important thing to learn early on in life? Taking responsibility. Yes, it really sucks when you get caught doing something that you weren't supposed to be doing in the first place, but it's important that you learn how to admit that you were in the wrong and then accept the consequences that come your way as a result. See, because if Wayne Mitchell had taken that advice he probably wouldn't have tried to help his brother try to get out of being caught with a bunch of cocaine. And if he had done that, well, it's almost certain that he wouldn't have ate the cocaine that was in his brother's arse at the time. (Yes, you read that correctly.) And if he hadn't eaten the ass-coke, he would probably be alive today. I'm just saying.
Here's the story according to something calledClick Orlando. It seems that Deangelo Mitchell and his brother, 20-year-old Wayne Mitchell, were "...taken into custody on allegations they had drugs in their car." (And trust me when I tell you that everyone reading this is going to wish that they did have their drugs in the car instead of where they actually were.) Now, I don't know where they were when "the incident" took place, but the picture accompanying the story seems to imply that they were in the back of the police car. I could be wrong though. However, if you were hoping to put together a good visual to go along with this nuttiness, go with the back of the police car. It looked like this. Behold!
So that's one of them. I can't say that he looks real bright. Maybe I'm wrong, though. Maybe he's a genius. (I'm not wrong and you know it. He's not exactly Rainman.) The point here is that when they were arrested, Deangelo had a butt full of drugs. Literally. There were drugs in his butt. Maybe his pockets were full. I don't really know. But Deangelo knew. He knew of the drugs that had been inserted into his rectum. And he knew that the cops would eventually find them as well. That's when his mission became clear. He needed to remove the drugs from his butt. But how?
Funny you should ask. Deangelo decided to ask his brother for a favor. That favor was for Wayne to apparently remove the cocaine from Deangelo's rectal cavity by using his teeth/mouth. Bluntly put, he wanted him to eat it out of there. Now, before you go off all thinking that was a crazy thing one to do, just remember that Wayne agreed to it. Who's the crazy one now, huh? And before you go thinking for sure that it's Wayne, just let me first tell you that he DID get the cocaine out of Deangelo's butt. So, it's not like he agreed to anything that he couldn't follow through with. (I really have no idea what I'm saying here. I find this entire story so disgusting and unbelievable that I'm kind of at a loss for words and I'm really trying to wing it here without flipping out.)
But it turns out that swallowing an entire ounce of cocaine can kill you. Who knew? Well, I'm assuming that Wayne didn't know. Considering that he's now dead, I'm guessing that he has some idea about that now. That's right. It killed him. According to North Charleston Police Chief Jon Zumalt "It's sickening." Hard to disagree with that. He also added, "I got upset when I saw the whole thing. I was pretty shocked on it." Wait. When you...saw the whole thing?! Did this guy used to work at Penn State or something?! How does one see the whole thing and not maybe intervene before the whole thing is over?! How does someone see the whole thing and not make it so that it isn't a whole entire thing?! What is going on over there in North Charleston anyway?! Whatever it is, make it STOP! This is NOT the kind of thing that we can have going on all the time! Just having it go on ONCE is bad enough. Good Lord, what in the world is wrong with people?!
When I'm finally done on this planet (and some days, that could not come soon enough), I'd like to be remembered for some of the good stuff that I've done. (Hey! I've done plenty of good things! Don't judge! What have YOU done?) I mostly try to keep the stupid things that I've done completely under wraps. And I'm hoping that when I do finally go, it isn't due to one of my stupid things.
Do you know who Ryan Dunn is? He is apparently one of the chaps that participated in MTV's Jackass movies. You remember those movies. They're the ones where a group of guys spend the entire movie just doing really stupid and really dangerous feats. Turns out, he doesn't just do stupid things when he's making a movie or a TV show. He does them in real life, too. Well, he DID them in real life. And the last one that he did, according to NBC Philadelphia, was to drink a whole bunch (that's him on the left in the picture above that he tweeted before the wreck) and then get into his Porsche and drive it at ridiculous speeds until he flipped over a guard rail, causing the car to burst into flames and kill Ryan and his passenger. Smart, eh? Yeah, not so much. Here's a picture of his car after the wreck. How they figured out it was a Porsche to begin with is beyond me.
But here comes the part about remembering. See, I was vaguely aware of the Jackass franchise, but I never spent any time watching it. And quite frankly, I had never even heard of Ryan until this happened. So everything that I learned about his life, I learned from reading about it on the Innerwebs. I read one particular highlight repeatedly. And according toTMZ(and a bunch of other sites), "34-year-old Dunn appeared in all of the "Jackass" movies -- famously shoving a toy car into his rectum in the first flick back in 2002." Um, what now? THAT is how he is going to be remembered? As the guy who shoved a toy car up his arse?! Good Lord, man. Does anyone really want to be remembered for shoving anything up them? (If you're thinking about a Richard Gere joke right about now, just stop. That's most likely not even totally true.) Maybe he was a really good guy when he wasn't sending Hot Wheels to the land of no return. I have no idea. I'm sure that his family and friends will miss him. (I'd like them to be a little bit angry at him while they miss him since he would most likely be alive had he not decided to get "over-served" and then drive a Porsche at unthinkable speeds along a winding road at 2:30am.) Choose your actions wisely. (ie, Don't purposely insert die-cast vehicle into your rectum.) You never know. One of them might be the thing that people are talking about after you're gone.
Plausible deniability can only get you so far, but it really isn't going to get you anywhere when you use it in situations where deniability is not only not plausible, but it's not even conceivable. You know, like when Paris Hilton said that she thought that the cocaine that fell out of her purse (which she claimed was not hers) was gum. Or when Lindsay Lohan said that the cocaine that was found in jeans that she was wearing wasn't hers because they weren't even her pants! Or when someone has crack cocaine shoved up their ass and claims that it's not theirs. Wait. What was that last one? You know...about the crack?
Right. Well, naturally, this takes place in Floriduh. According to the smoky folks over there at The Smoking Gun, a one 25-year old Raymond Roberts was pulled over for speeding. Upon approaching the car, the authorities noticed the strong stench of marijuana and subsequently searched our hero. It was during said search that "...Deputy Sean Cappiello "felt a soft object in the crack of his buttocks," (and) the suspect "began to tense up." Roberts volunteered to remove the item. “Let me get it, hold on” he said, and proceeded to place a "clear plastic baggie with a green leafy substance." Nice of Mr. Roberts to voluntarily remove the substance from his own butt crack for the officer.
But, wait! There's more! The deputy who searched him asked him if that was it. Meaning: Are these all of the drugs that you have hidden in your butt? Of course, Mr. Roberts claimed that was all that was in his butt. But wouldn't you know it? The deputy decided to continue to search Mr. Roberts and reported: "I then searched his shorts again and felt another object that was in the crack of his buttocks. I pulled the object out from the exterior of his shorts and a clear plastic baggie with a white rock substance fell to the ground." Oh, for cryin' out loud!
Did Mr. Roberts really think that even though they found the first of his posterially concealed substances, somehow, they weren't going to find the other ones? Or maybe because he had such a solid alibi, he just wasn't worried about it. That's right. He had an alibi as to why things were falling out of his butt. He told the cop “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is.” Oh, what the what? For reals? Yes. For reals. See, "...he claimed...that the crack in his crack was the property of a friend who had previously borrowed the car and left the drug on the passenger seat." Right. Because if there's one thing that defines people who use drugs, it's their inability to always know the whereabouts of their drugs. Drug users are always leaving their drugs just lying around on the front seat of people's cars.
Regardless as to whether or not Mr. Roberts' statement is true or not (it isn't), I'm kind of thinking that once something is IN your body (or at least, very close to being IN your buttock-al region), you don't get to claim that it isn't yours. That's no longer a choice. In the glove compartment? Under the passenger seat? Sure. Give it a whirl and try to get out of those situations by claiming it isn't yours. But when you're clenching it between your arse cheeks, you've got nothing. Oh, wait. I take that back. You have a pretty funny story.
A father should be willing to do anything for his son, shouldn't he? Theoretically? Probably. But I'm pretty sure that there's a line even with the father-son relationship. Pretty sure. I'm not a father and I don't have a son, but if I did have a son, I think that he'd have to go without his black tar heroin in prison if it meant that I (as the hypothetical father) would have to smuggle it into the prison shoved up my arse and then remove it to transfer it to my son via an open-mouthed kiss. Wait. What? That's the story out of Colorado that we learn from CBS8 in San Diego. Go figure. It would seem that a one 29-year old Donald Curtis Denney was serving time in a Colorado prison for robberies that he committed in San Diego in 2006. Now, you might wonder how this man could have gone so astray in his life, but when you hear about his father, it will all be crystal clear.
See, the father and the son spent two years coming up with an ingenious plan to smuggle some black tar heroin into the prison. (I don't know what makes that any different from regular heroin or if it is what is in the highest demand in prisons these days, but they felt the need to mention it, so I'm guessing there is some sort of a significance to it.) Two years. Two years to come up with this plan. I'm so shocked that it was thwarted. I don't know. Maybe they would have gotten away with it if they hadn't been planning their idiotic (and extremely disgusting) scheme during phone conversations which, because the son was in prison, were monitored. That's right. They could have just walked up to the authorities and told them of their plan and saved themselves a whole lot of time.
Aside from that, you'd think that after two years of planning, you're going to come up with something at least halfway decent. Not in this case. Nooooo. After two years, the best that these guys could come up with AND what they ended up agreeing upon was for the dad to shove a golf ball sized piece of this black tar heroin up his arse and get it into the prison that way. How is that going to help anyone when it still has to be transferred from anus to prisoner? It's not like they didn't think of that! Come on! Give them a little credit! They planned for the dad to take it out of his rectal region, put it in his mouth and then give his son a big ol' open mouthed kiss and transfer it that way. Oh. God.
Two years?! What in the hell were the plans that they decided against? What wasn't as brilliant as the plan that they settled upon?! What? Were other ideas just too disgusting or something? I like to think of the arse as an "out only" instrument. Only out! ONLY. OUT. But this guy thought otherwise. Not only did he think otherwise, he saw nothing wrong with taking what does come out (after it had been inserted in) and putting it in his mouth. What in the world is wrong with some people?
I have absolutely no idea how the guy planned to get it from Point A(rse) to Point B(ehind tongue). I also have absolutely no idea why CBS8 decided that it would be a good idea to interview the father's neighbor. Said the neighbor, a one Mike V., "I felt so disgusted and would never imagine taking something out of my butt and putting it in my mouth in the first place, but to kiss my own child -- it wouldn't happen." Well said. Then again, the open-mouthed kissing of an adult child would be the least of my concerns. My main concern would be the fecal covered object in someone's mouth, really. But Mike seems more concerned about the kissing. To each their own, I suppose, but that would be secondary.
All was foiled when they did a body cavity search on Mr. Denney when he went to visit his son. That's what happens when you make stupid-ass plans over phone lines that are being monitored (you know, because you're in prison) and then go through with them. Yep. That's exactly what happens. And in case you're wondering, Mr. Denney, Sr. looks just exactly how you'd expect him to look. Behold!
Good Lord. It's like Popeye on crack. Don't do drugs, kids! And for God's sake, don't put them up your arse and then in your mouth and then go around kissing someone in prison in an attempt to transfer said drugs. Just don't.
Who are you people who get a Ph.D or an MD and have the title "Dr." in front of your name and then decide that you know everything whether it related to what your degree is in or not and decide to proclaim your self-decided knowledge as the gospel of whatever. (Gospel of jackassery, from what I can tell here, but whatever you'd like to call it is fine with me.) Are you folks so danged miserable in your own lives that you just have to be a certain kind of a jackass around everyone else? Naturally, I'm not saying that all folks who are doctors are like this. But for those of you who are? Could you do us all a favor? Pipe down and go away, please? And while you're at it, leave Santa Claus out of your quackery, all right? All right.
Let's take a look at a one Dr Nathan Grills from Australia's Monash University. Now, I don't know if he has done an actual "study" or if he has just taken the liberty to use his title of "doctor" as a way to publish what is essentially an editorial piece in the British Medical Journal, but I do know that he's so completely full of crap that it almost makes me angry. And I'm not sure if I'm angry at him or if I'm angry at a medical journal for publishing this garbage. It's a medical journal! It's supposed to be about medicine! It's not supposed to be having articles/papers by some 27-year old doctor in Australia who claims that Santa Claus is a "...promoter of obesity, disease and even driving under the influence" and is, therefore, a bad influence for children.
::: blink ::: ::: blink :::
Um, what now? Santa....Santa Claus is....is....Good Lord, man. What is wrong with you?!
According to the fine folks down under at the Herald Sun in an article titled "Boozy, fat Santa a 'bad example'(there's a catchy title!), we learn that this moron, this Dr. Grills, claims that Santa Claus is "...acting in ways that could damage millions of lives." Now, if you haven't decided that this definitely signals the end of all humanity and have rushed off to spend more time with your loved ones before society implodes upon itself, keep reading and I'll tell you how Dr. Grills claims that Santa is doing all of this. (Have a drink while you're reading if it helps! It certainly doesn't hurt when you're reading other posts now, does it?)
Grills (I'm dropping the "Dr." for the rest of this post, as I just can not stomach it) claims that "Santa's "rotund sedentary image" had the effect of making "obesity synonymous with cheerfulness and joviality" around the world." Ah, yes. The synonymous cheerful and jovial fat man which has taken over all parts of the globe including Somalia!
Ethiopia!
And Madagascar! Behold!
Yeah, I'm not seeing a whole lot of obesity, nor cheerfulness and joviality over there, how about you, Mr. Grills? Seriously. When I think "obesity" I don't think "Santa Claus". I think stuff like this. Behold!
Now that does not make me jovial nor cheerful. It makes me a little bit nauseous if you really want to know. But Santa Claus? He never makes me nauseous. (OK, the ones at the malls make me a little nervous sometimes, but nauseous? Never.)
Mr. Grills "....also noted that children are encouraged to leave out hard liquor such as Brandy for a man who has a lot of travel to do in one night." OK, see, this is where you can tell that Mr. Grills is so full of himself that he is unable to see past only what exists in his own world. Over here in America, we do not leave brandy out for Santa. We leave milk and we leave cookies. People who want to be all cutsey leave out carrots for his reindeer (do reindeer even eat carrots?). We're not wasting good brandy on some guy who, essentially, breaks into our homes. Milk. Milk and delicious cookies. Pay attention, Nathan! There are lots of traditions around the world besides yours! Shocking, I know!
Continuing along the article of idiocy, "Other dangerous activities on Santa's list of festive wrongdoings include "speeding, disregard for road rules and extreme sports such as roof surfing and chimney jumping", because "despite the risks of high speed air travel, he is never depicted wearing a seatbelt or helmet". Oh, for God's sake. What is wrong with you sir?!
First of all, you have NO idea if the man is speeding or not. If you're basing that on the fact that he has to visit every house on the entire planet, well then, I think that you've just stated the reason for making that concern completely idiotic. As far as the "road rules", um, Santa flies his sleigh in the skies. There are no roads up there. I've been in a plane and you know what I didn't see when I was flying? That's right. Roads. And those "extreme sports" you cite? I don't know that you know that he does that. I cannot recall the "roof surfing" and the jumping from chimney to chimney as part of my Christmas time lore when I was a child. Or even now (when I tend to act childlike).
What, exactly, are the "risks of high speed air travel" as you see them, Mr. Grills? When I'm on an airplane, that's "high speed air travel" is it not? I have never worn a helmet on a plane and I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you have not either, you jackass. (And if I'm wrong and you have worn a helmet on a plane, just what do you think that is going to do for you if you're plummeting towards the earth?)
So what does Mr. Grills suggest we do about such non-existent atrocities that are occurring during the most wonderful time of the year? Well, he "...recommended that instead of using a sleigh, the man himself should be "encouraged to adopt a more active method to deliver toys - swapping his reindeer for a bike or simply walking or jogging". I don't know about you, but although I know next to nothing about piloting a flying sleigh led by eight tiny reindeer and Rudolph, I would hardly call it "inactive". Is Mr. Grills suggesting that we make Christmas be on every single day of December? Because if he's going to have Santa walking from house to house, that's going to be a bit time consuming. It's hardly an activity that can be accomplished in one night. If you put all of the brandy that Mr. Grills is leaving out for the man, it could take all damn year as a boozed up Santa staggers from street to street. How is he supposed to get into our homes if he walks? You want him to jog carrying that sack of toys?! That's not going to happen! Oh, wait! Mr. Grills probably wants him to put the presents in one of those baby jogger stroller things that everyone is always pushing around while they jog. Yeah, that sounds real traditional. That's something youngsters will really be able to sink their imagination into all right.
Listen. Mr. Grills. In all of your reasoning as to why this whole deal with Santa is a problem, you've overlooked one key point. (Spoiler alert here!) See, Santa Claus isn't real. This stuff that you've described that he does? Yeah, that doesn't really happen. And when kids get to the age where they, sadly, don't believe in Santa Claus anymore, then that's when they know that those things don't happen. They're not going to be sitting around wondering how a drunken Santa is driving the sleigh without crashing through their rooftops. No, they're going to be wondering if they can stay awake longer than their parents so that they can sneak back out to the fireplace and sip that brandy themselves!
Lay off of the Christmas traditions, Mr. Grills. Put your sanctimonious conclusions somewhere that isn't going to annoy anyone else. That would include not in a medical journal. And folks over there at the British Medical Journal, what were you folks thinking? Don't give this man and other folks like him a platform to spew such ridiculousness. You're supposed to be publishing papers on how you're working on curing cancer and helping the blind to see and stuff like that. You're not supposed to be publishing papers about why someone doesn't like a fictional character. Next thing you know, Nature is going to publish an article "Why Spongebob is Offensive to Other Porous and Multi-Celled Aquatic Organisms".
Arnold Schwarzenegger seems to enjoy being Governor of California, but mainly because it gives him a platform from which to tell jokes. Look, he had all of these lofty ideas when he took office, but wasn't able to accomplish the majority of them. While I'm sure that was frustrating for him, I'm afraid that it was frustrating for the wrong reasons. I fear that the main problem he had with not being able to achieve what he wanted to wasn't so much the lack of achievement as much as it was the decline in his popularity.
If there is one thing that the Governator likes, it is to be liked. And the only thing that he likes more than that is to get a laugh out of folks. Whether it be a calculated joke, an off the wall comment or even a prank, Arnold likes to make people yuk it up.
The Governator is aware that there is only so much that he can do. He is also aware that the Legislature for the state of California is absolutely pathetic. According to the latest Field Poll, the California Legislature had a 13% approval rating. 13%. My question to that thirteen percent is: What are your standards, exactly? How can you approve of anything those ass clowns are doing up there in Sacramento? Are you staffers of the Legislature? Blood relatives? How can you approve of their job performance?
Seriously? Maybe they don't know about some of the abhorrent behavior exhibited by some of these elected morons. Let's take a one Tom Ammiano who, at the San Francisco Democratic County Central Committee Gala, began shouting "No, no, no, no!!!!! You lie!!!" and "Kiss my gay ass!!!!" among other colorful phrases when the Governator got up to speak. That according to a one Beth Spotswood over yonder at SF Appeal. (Beth's piece, by the way, is awesome. Hilarious, yet surprisingly informative. I would highly recommend giving it a read.) Seriously, dude? "Kiss my gay ass"? You're comfortable, not only shouting that (in San Francisco, none the less. Talk about livin' on the wild side.), but shouting it at the Governor? Apparently, general respect for each other as human beings has completely bypassed Mr. Ammiano (and his gay ass). Back to our funny, funny Governor. When the Governator vetoes a bill, he tends to include a little explanation as to why he did so. Arnold is so fed up with the Legislature at this point, it's a wonder he hasn't just sent every veto back with a bullet hole right through the middle of the failed legislation. But see, a bullet hole just wouldn't be funny. Well, not funny enough for Arnold. And it's too blatant. Subtle humor is some of the funniest humor.
When vetoing AB1176 which was sponsored by the aforementioned, looking-for-a-date-for-his-ass Mr. Ammiano, The Governator sent along this veto.
Seems innocuous enough, doesn't it? Not so fast. It seems as though Arnold, in a way that can only be described as sophomoric, yet brilliant (not to mention overdue and oh-so deserved), managed to include another little message which one could assume was directed toward Mr. Ammiano. That sentiment? Behold!
According to The Huffington Post, when this was brought to the attention of Schwarzenegger spokesman Aaron McLear his response was, "My goodness. What a coincidence." What a coincidence indeed! And what a most excellent response. "I suppose when you do so many vetoes, something like this is bound to happen." (Translation: "I suppose when you tell the Governor to kiss your gay ass, having him tell you to eff off is bound to happen. You're lucky you didn't get punched inside out, sir.")
Stay in school, kids! You can't have this kind of fun without a vast and solid vocabulary to work with!
I tried to watch the BET Awards last night because I was curious as to the 'tributes' that would be given to Michael Jackson. I can only give my opinion on the parts that I saw and since those were so horrible, I maybe watched a grand total of ten minutes, if that. Perhaps BET stands for Better Enlarge Teleprompter because it didn't seem like very many folks could follow along at all. It was either that or they were all drunk. And it was kind of pathetic. I mean, if you're going to give a tribute to someone whom y'all claim was all of y'all "inspiration" for your particular style of craft, you could at least try a little harder for it to come off as being genuine. (You know, I can't recall a single one of you EVER mentioning Michael Jackson was your "inspiration" EVER when he was alive. Maybe one of two of you did (maybe Justin Timberlake has mentioned Michael before last night. Maybe.), but it certainly wasn't everyone in that room who ever dared proclaim publicly that Michael Jackson "inspired" them. Ugh.) BET really stands for Black Entertainment Television. Entertainment. Shouldn't they be good at entertaining? They weren't. They sucked.
It's possible I'm being too hard on the show overall. I was a little cranky after seeing an interview with Joseph Jackson, Michael's father, which was conducted by Don Lemon from CNN on the red carpet or whatever color carpet they have outside the Shrine Auditorium. Let's just say that he didn't exactly strike me as the grieving father. (And you have to remember that this is the guy who MIchael said physically abused him when he was growing up. Not only did Michael say it, Joe himself admitted it! Though he claimed that he didn't "beat" Michael because when you "beat" someone, you do it with a stick and Joe never used a stick. He just whipped him with a switch and/or a belt. Seriously.)
When Don Lemon starts the interview, he asks him how he's doing and how the family's doing. Joseph Jackson responds with a very chipper, "I'm great! My family is doing pretty good." Don didn't really know what to make of that and probably hoped he'd elaborate so he said, "Yeah?" And Joe responded with an assertive, "Yes they are!" So there!
Let's just contrast that remark with those of Janet Jackson who spoke near the end of the BET Awards and could barely refrain from bursting into tears when she said: "My entire family wanted to be here tonight. It was just too painful, so they elected me to speak. To you, Michael is an icon. To us, Michael is family. And he will forever live in all of our hearts. We miss him so much."
Let me just say that Janet Jackson is absolutely the sane one in that whole clan. She seems like she has her head screwed on pretty straight. The look on her face after she was led out to speak was one of someone who was annoyed. She looked like she couldn't believe that she had to stand up there and say something. Before she even said anything and everyone was continuing to clap and cheer (for her dead brother), she glared. She was not a fan. And do you blame her? It's only been three days! When everyone was clapping, the look on her face just said, "My God, would you people stop already so I can get the hell out of here?" And her words seemed carefully chosen and subtlely direct. She seemed to be reminding people that this is her brother who has just died and not just some superficial 'inspiration'. It was a classy thing what she did there. Three days, that's pretty soon. It makes me wonder how her speaking up there came about.
(And to the person who yelled out something as she paused (probably to compose herself), you're an ass.)
By "us" she must mean "everyone but Joe" because he spoke of his son as that icon. Don went for the follow up question, something along the lines of "We know it's been really tough for you guys" and Joe (who was wearing sunglasses that reminded me of the ones that Doc wore in "Back to the Future") said in a snotty voice, "And?" As if there was going to be something after that! It took him a couple of seconds to figure out that was the question and so he said, "Remember, we just lost the biggest star in the world, the biggest superstar in the world. So it's tough." You know, I hear that and I think "What a prick." He shouldn't be a freaking 'superstar' to you, sir. He should be your G-D son!
Don asked him why he showed up to the BET Awards. "Was it to pay tribute to your son?" I'm not kidding you when Joe said, "Yeah! To pay tribute to my son! Michael!" I fully expected him to throw in a "Yeah! That's it! That's the ticket!" But instead he just went with the pathetic, "Yes. We did. I did." Translation: Dude, I'm on TV! I'M the star now! It's all about me! Now I get to be the famous one!
Next question: "Is there anything you'd like to share with the world about your son and about his legacy?"
Next pathetic answer: "Yeah, I wanna, gotta statement here...." And then he pulls some chick out of nowhere who starts reading this prepared statement. The gist of the statement was to let everyone know that Joe Jackson was large and in charge and that everything would go through him. He also let everyone know the name of his attorney (L. Londell McMillan). He mentioned how he and his wife, Katherine, would be taking care of Michael's children. But basically, it sounded like he was letting folks know that Michael was gone and that's that. It was disgusting to say the least.
Up until after the statement was read, it was just Joe and Don. When Don started to ask, "We've been hearing from the Reverend Sharpton, the Reverend Jackson, that you had some concerns..." the attorney, Mr. McMillan, was walking by, hear the names of the two media whores, whipped his head in the direction from whence they came and jumped up right next to Joe for the remainder of the question. It was hilarious! Anytime you hear your client being interviewed and you hear the names Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton, you'd better make sure that you're right there to see how the rest of that question goes!
Don talks to the attorney for about a minute, getting no definitive answers from him (what a shocker). Then turns the questioning back to Joe and asks about funeral arrangements. Joe responds with a rather matter-of-fact "We haven't gotten to that yet. We're working on that." Haven't gotten to that yet? Perhaps you could have made a little time in place of the BET Awards ceremony, sir?
Next thing you know, a pimp shows up! Behold!
Well, he's pimp-ish. Looking. I saw him and I thought, "Why is there a pimp there?" And this is the part of the interview where I became inconsolably cranky for the remainder of the Joe Jackson Show. Don asked him about his wife and his daughters and how they were doing. Clearly, Joe wasn't in the mood to discuss trivial matters such as the well being of other family members. No, he had something else on his mind that he wanted to discuss. So he brushed off that question with a very flippant, "They're fine. They're all doing fine." And then, he drops this:
"I want to make this statement. This is a real good statement here. (Places hand on the shoulder of pimp hat guy.) Marshall and I (I'm assuming that's the pimp's name. Marshall. He might have said something else, though. Joe Jackson always sounds like he's talking with his mouth full of gravy from that train he's been on) have been...we owned a record company called.....(silence from Marshall) ....tell him!" At this point, it sounds to me like Marshall says "Ranch Records" and then it sounds like Marshall says, "OK? It's truly about Blu-Ray. Technology. And that's his next step." :::: blink :::: :::: blink :::: Um, WTF?
That's the statement that you wanted to make? Your son has just died, perhaps due to an overuse of painkillers, and you have a pimp by your side, plugging Blu-ray technology during your interview with CNN? Huh. Have you ever wondered what human scum looks like? Wonder no more and look no further! Joe Jackson is it.
Don's final question, after Joe got done rambling about his 60th wedding anniversary celebration in Las Vegas (where he ended his rambling proclaiming how great their first wedding anniversary celebration in Las Vegas was! He also had to stop himself from saying that there were a lot of people there that he didn't know, which I found amusing. Of course you don't know them, you A-hole. They were there with people who had to be there and sure as hell didn't want to go to anything involving you by themselves. Maybe if you weren't such an A-hole you'd know more people.), was "What's next for you guys?"
Now, I know what that question means. You know what that question means. But I don't think Joe knew what that question meant. That's because he answered it as if he was Steve Jobs on the day the iPhone was first released to mobs of frenzied phone buyers. As if he had just created some amazing product that the whole world was in love with and the reporter wanted to get the inside scoop on what consumers could look for in the future. That's the frame of mind it seemed like Joe was answering from when, after a long pause, he said, "We've got a lot we're fixin' to happen, but I can't really announce it right now, OK?" Then he pats Don on the shoulder and gives a quick smirk. Don wraps by managed to not slap him upside the head and instead somehow snaps out of his disbelief long enough to tell him thanks.
Many accolades to Don Lemon for not strangling the guy right there at the BET Awards and on camera, mid-interview. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have been able to keep my composure as well as he did. Yeah, I think I'd have to knee him in the groin. So, pretty much the stories that had been floated around over the years about Joe Jackson being a cold hearted, son of a bitch who just rode the gravy train his children were running over the years would seem to be backed up by that little performance on CNN. What a jackass. At best, this guy sounded completely indifferent over the death of his son. He also seemed a little annoyed that he even had to field any questions that were not about himself. But the sickest part of it all is that he seemed like he was controlling all of his joy that Michael Jackson was, once again, huge.
Perhaps the doc that was allegedly prescribing all of the painkillers, Demerol, etc. for Michael could do the same for his Dad. If it has the same effect on Joe as it appears to have had on Michael, well then, so be it. And while I don't ever wish ALL ill will on someone, the thought that Joe Jackson could possibly profit from this makes me need to end this post so that I may go vomit.
The Don Lemon interview with Joe Jackson on CNN is below. The plug for the Blu-ray project between him and the pimp is right around the 3:17 mark. You know, just in case you're interested in their new venture that he announced to the world in a 'statement' after being asked how the women in his family were doing. Yeah, that's it.
You know what is an important thing to learn early on in life? Taking responsibility. Yes, it really sucks when you get caught doing something that you weren't supposed to be doing in the first place, but it's important that you learn how to admit that you were in the wrong and then accept the consequences that come your way as a result. See, because if Wayne Mitchell had taken that advice he probably wouldn't have tried to help his brother try to get out of being caught with a bunch of cocaine. And if he had done that, well, it's almost certain that he wouldn't have ate the cocaine that was in his brother's arse at the time. (Yes, you read that correctly.) And if he hadn't eaten the ass-coke, he would probably be alive today. I'm just saying. 
Funny you should ask. Deangelo decided to ask his brother for a favor. That favor was for Wayne to apparently remove the cocaine from Deangelo's rectal cavity by using his teeth/mouth. Bluntly put, he wanted him to eat it out of there. Now, before you go off all thinking that was a crazy thing one to do, just remember that Wayne agreed to it. Who's the crazy one now, huh? And before you go thinking for sure that it's Wayne, just let me first tell you that he DID get the cocaine out of Deangelo's butt. So, it's not like he agreed to anything that he couldn't follow through with. (I really have no idea what I'm saying here. I find this entire story so disgusting and unbelievable that I'm kind of at a loss for words and I'm really trying to wing it here without flipping out.)
But it turns out that swallowing an entire ounce of cocaine can kill you. Who knew? Well, I'm assuming that Wayne didn't know. Considering that he's now dead, I'm guessing that he has some idea about that now. That's right. It killed him. According to North Charleston Police Chief Jon Zumalt "It's sickening." Hard to disagree with that. He also added, "I got upset when I saw the whole thing. I was pretty shocked on it." Wait. When you...saw the whole thing?! Did this guy used to work at Penn State or something?! How does one see the whole thing and not maybe intervene before the whole thing is over?! How does someone see the whole thing and not make it so that it isn't a whole entire thing?! What is going on over there in North Charleston anyway?! Whatever it is, make it STOP! This is NOT the kind of thing that we can have going on all the time! Just having it go on ONCE is bad enough. Good Lord, what in the world is wrong with people?!
