Not Everyone Left

This morning, I received a rather disingenuous email from President Barry. It read as follows:

Mary --

Early this morning, the last of our troops left Iraq.

As we honor and reflect on the sacrifices that millions of men and women made for this war, I wanted to make sure you heard the news.

Bringing this war to a responsible end was a cause that sparked many Americans to get involved in the political process for the first time. Today's outcome is a reminder that we all have a stake in our country's future, and a say in the direction we choose.

Thank you.

Barack

Yeah, um, let's talk about for just a second, shall we? Do you know where the largest United State Embassy is in the world? Yeah, it's in Baghdad. Why is this not mentioned more? What do you think we're doing by building our largest embassy right there in the middle of Iraq? No, really. What do you think? Because I can't figure it out. Regardless, our presence in Iraq is now permanent due to that embassy. Yes, I realize that the embassy is not a military base. My point here is that I'm tired of this withdrawal of troops from Iraq being portrayed as the US being completely absent from Iraq because that's simply not true. And it doesn't sound as good. I imagine that it might raise some questions that people don't want to answer during an election year as well.

And about the troops. Sure, the troops have "exited" Iraq. But everything that I read about this "exit" makes it sound as if there are NO Americans left Iraq who are working for the US government. According to CNN, "The United States will still maintain a presence in Iraq: hundreds of nonmilitary personnel, including 1,700 diplomats, law enforcement officers, and economic, agricultural and other experts, according to the State Department. In addition, 5,000 security contractors will protect Americans and another 4,500 contractors will serve in other roles." Wait a minute. 5,000 security contractors? What sort of security and for whom? I thought that we were "out of Iraq". Oh, that's right. For some reason, the White House and the State Department don't consider non-military personnel to be worthy of mentioning. Hmmm...I wonder who those security contractors operate under? Someone has to be giving them directions, right? Am I supposed to believe that it is someone other than our government? Because I'm really not going to do that. They can call it whatever they want to call it, but to keep saying over and over that the US is "out of Iraq" is really borderline lying. Really borderline.

So there you have it. At least 10,000 contractors and embassy related personnel are still in Iraq. The world's biggest embassy is in Baghdad. But President Barry and the State Department are going around touting the departure of the US from Iraq. And for some reason, the media is buying right into that hype and continuing to report it that way. That's because the media sucks. Sucks bad.

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Can't We Work Through This Rationally?

I've had it with all of this talk about whether or not people who are gay should be allowed to openly serve in the military. Do you want to know why this topic now only serves to irritate and annoy me whenever it is brought up? It's because no one is using any factual basis for their opinions at all and the whole debate is solely based on what people feel would be best.

I'm not going to pretend that I know what would be best in this situation. Do I think it would be great if folks who were gay were allowed to serve in the military openly? Sure, but only under one condition. That condition being that it won't lessen the chances of success for any given task and/or mission that the troops are on. Now, you might be asking yourself, "How could it possibly be a detriment for folks who are openly gay to serve in the military?" To which I would answer, "I don't know." But that's what my answer would be. Other people, those who are running their lives based solely on what they feel, might answer, "It's a ridiculous policy! It should immediately cease and desist! Gays should be out and about in the military because it's the right thing!" OK, OK. Hold on a minute there, cowboy.

I don't know anything about the military other than they keep me and my country safe. Oh, and I also know that they can kick some serious ass. That's what I want my military to be. If the safety of myself and my country means that those who are gay cannot serve openly in the military, then so be it. However, if that is, in fact, the case, I'd like it to be backed up by some sort of facts based on some sort of comprehensive study which is conducted by folks who know what they're dealing with military-wise.

Is that so much to ask? Look, that's all I want. I want some sort of factual basis which determines it to be perfectly OK to end the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy and that the result isn't a compromised military. That's all. Do you think that devising policy based upon how you feel instead of based upon some sort of facts or investigation is really the way to go? I can't imagine that it is. Yet, if you'll look around at a lot of the fiscal problems that many states and the entire country are in the throes of, you'll start seeing a trend in the number of "feel good" programs that require a great deal of money. Are they necessary programs? Are they effective programs? Are they being implemented correctly? Who knows? All a lot of folks know is that it makes them feel good that those sort of programs are in place. And it's caused me to lose my WTL (will to live) on occasion.

Just wait for the study, folks. If you're so confident (even though you have no basis to base your confidence on) that it's just fine for gays to serve openly in the military, then what is the harm in waiting for this huge, comprehensive study that the Pentagon is conducting to wrap up? Seriously, do you really want to risk the safety of the troops that protect you just because you're all thumbs up for diversity? I can't imagine that people would, but yet, they do.

I'm going to need a prescription for some Xanax soon. I'm just saying

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The Exportation of Sand

Iraq is a country that is 10 parts sand to 1 part water. That's a lot of sand. (Hence, my term "sand lands".) But regardless of the amount of sand there, it's apparently not good enough for the American military, which is why we are sending MORE sand to Iraq. Wait. What now?

Correct. According to The New York Times, the US military is building a bunch of blast walls all over Iraq. That's likely because it's rather blast-y there. But according to a one Maj. Gen. Phillip E. McGhee, "...you look to see that based on the specs that we have for blast walls, it takes a particular grain and quality of sand. That sand is not in Iraq, so you have to bring the sand in."

Now, look, that may or may not be true. I have no idea. The guy says that it's true, so I guess that it's supposed to be. But when I continually hear the cases of contractor fraud that goes on in Iraq and the gazillions of dollars that are wasted because of said fraud, I have to admit that I'm a little skeptical that the type of sand that is over there just isn't sufficient. Again, I'm not saying that it's a big sham. I'm just saying that it's all a little suspicious. I mean, seriously. With all of the technology and stuff that we know how to do, are you telling me that there isn't a way to make a blast wall up to the specifications that we need it to be by using some of the resources that are already there? I can't imagine that there isn't a cheaper way to do this.

I'd like to know who it is that's selling them all of this sand. I have ten bucks that says whoever the contractor is, whoever the seller of the sand is, whoever is connected to this procedure, whoever it is will be found to be somehow connected to some Senator somewhere. Think about it! We're buying SAND so it can be shipped to IRAQ! Next up? Buying ice cubes to ship them to Antarctica.

And since I'm really tired right now, that's about all I have to say about that. (If I could only be this concise all the time.)

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A Non-Blinking Militia

Happy Anniversary China! Communist Congratulations to you! Look, I know that China is a world power, not quite a superpower (though they do have boatloads of money and it's not long before they buy a "super" to go with their "power"), but after seeing pictures from their 60th Anniversary celebration, I'm not as concerned as I might have been before. (Actually, I'm only concerned about China's power when it comes up in the news. It's not one of the myriad of things that keeps me up at night.)

When I say that China is weird, I don't mean China-China. I mean the people that run China. They are weirdos. Regimented weirdos. It's the 2nd Amendment to the US Constitution that uses the phrase "A well regulated Militia". Gathering from the pictures I saw of the celebration that China threw itself, t makes me wonder if China hasn't borrowed a little bit of it's regiment from that part of that Amendment. They're very regimented. And not just with their militia, either!

There were many aspects to this parade that China threw itself in celebration of it's 60th anniversary. According to the folks over there at The Guardian.co.uk, "Students flipped colored cards to create huge slogans such as "Long live China" and "Loyalty to the Party". We've all seen this attempted here in the US. It doesn't always go so well. People are lazy, they spilled beer on their card, they're in the bathroom when the thing is going on, so many reasons why every time this is tried in the US it looks like we're lending huge support and showing great appreciation to Swiss cheese. But look at how seamless the Chinese do this task. The top one was the first one they did and then they all instantaneously flipped their cards at the same time and the bottom photo appeared. It's amazing. They're almost seamless. Behold!

Ah, the wonders that people can accomplish if they're in fear for their life within the communist state in which they reside.

There were floats dedicated to China's space program. You may remember China's space program. It was the one that they said that they had when they showed a bunch of footage of the "astronauts" in space doing...something. It all would have been fine and good if they had just edited that footage a little bit so that we didn't see the air bubbles from the tank of water that they were in to simulate the weightlessness they were supposed to be experiencing. Yeah, they weren't so much up in outer space as much as they were in a tub. Unfortunate. In fact, I'd wager money that the float that they had in the parade was probably the same prop they used in their little outer space propaganda video scam. It looks just about as believable.

According to the narration on the video over there at The Guardian.co.uk, "Choreography was more precise. The soldiers had been trained to blink only once every forty seconds." Um, wait. What now? BLINK?! Blink once every forty seconds?! China, I'll get back to you in a minute, but for right now, um, Guardian.co.uk folks? Since when does blinking constitute an element of choreography?! OK, back to China. You freaks! Blinking?! What good does that do to not have your poor soldiers blink? You think that messes things up if they're a little more blinky than once every forty seconds? I haven't studied this at all EVER, but let me tell you that if you think that, you're wrong. You're wrong. You're just wrong. And you're also weird.

If I hadn't done a freeze frame from the video to bring you the photo below, I would have swore it was Photoshopped by taking just one soldier and then copying and pasting him all over until you had a shot that looked like the one below. But they really look like that. It's as if the folks at LEGO are in charge over there. The video narrator says that they march at 116 steps a minute. I don't know if that's a lot or a little, but I do know that someone had to count those out or come up with that number in order for it to be known to the narrator! China, listen, I know you mean well (actually, I kinda think you wouldn't mind invading our shores and taking over this lovely land, but I'm trying to be nice) but couldn't your time spent coordinating the number of steps and the amount of eye blinking of your armed forces be spent doing something a little more...oh...what's the word I want? Oh, that's right! I've got it! Shouldn't it be spent doing something a little more useful??

Well, here's the Grand Poobah of China on his way to inspect the troops. Maybe he found this to be more useful? He rides around in that car there and all of the military troops stand at attention (otherwise they'll be shot. I'm paraphrasing there, of course.). He yells things at the troops and they yell back. He shouts things like, "Hello comrades!" and "Comrades, you have worked hard!" Meanwhile, as the comrades were not quite at the time frame for blinking, 25,000 contact lenses popped out of their eyeballs as they shouted back, "Hello commander!" and "Serve the people!"

But here's what really put me a little bit more at ease as far as what China has going on over there military-wise. Here is their women's militia. Behold!

Oh, good Lord! They've finally found uses for all of the old stewardess uniforms from the US airlines of the 1960s and 1970s!! Now that's some recycling! Are you kidding me? THOSE are their female soldiers?! Do you know what American female soldiers look like? That's right. MALE American soldiers! And I'm not speaking strictly about stature or appearance or sexual preference. I'm speaking about the uniforms and the gear. I don't recall any female American soldiers wearing go-go boots.

Holy crap. Do these female Chinese soldiers practice on a pole when they're not marching in formation? Who is their commander in chief? Ken? Do they not have barracks and instead they retire to the Dream House? By the way, they don't always wear pink like the one photo up there. Sometimes they prefer blue. Whatever the color, the boot is a constant. Behold!

You realize that they're just a quirk or two away from wearing Wonder Woman outfits, don't you? They've already got the boots. All they need now is a sparkly, one piece swim suit and some metal bracelets and they're good to go. By the way, it's worth noting that this parade that they had to celebrate their lovely Communist state is two miles long. TWO miles!! Two miles of this stuff?? Wow. God bless America.

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