No One Got A Second Chance

Have you thought about Chris Brown lately? No? Me neither. And I don't know that there aren't a lot of other people that are in the same boat. All floating there and all not thinking about Chris Brown. Maybe he realized that and that's why he decided to send out a tweet that seemed to convey how butthurt he is these days. Then again, since the tweet didn't really make a lot of sense, he might not have known what he was tweeting at all.

See, he got done with an appearance on the Today show. According to something called The Gothamist, it was the largest crowd to ever show up for one of those morning show, musical guest taping things. So what was his problem? I don't know. You tell me. Here's the tweet that he twat after his performance: "Its funny how many second chances mainstream America gives some of their white celebs(Charlie sheen, kacey anthony. etc)". Behold! Oh, and WTF?

OK, where to begin? I'll tell you where I'm NOT going to begin and that is with the racist implication. We don't hate you because you're black, Chris. We hate you because when you say things like this it makes you sound like a total douche canoe. Oh, and because you beat up women. So since I'm not starting there, I guess I'll go with the next obvious being the Casey Anthony thing. If he thinks that "mainstream America" is giving Casey Anthony a second chance, then he has a pretty funny idea of what a second chance consists of. People want to kill her. They don't just want to see her dead. No, they want to do the actual killing. That's not very second chance-y if you ask me. And Charlie Sheen? He's just that train wreck that we all love watching. AND if he has been given a "second chance" it's because he doesn't pretend to be anything that he is not. With Charlie, what you see is what you get and he doesn't make any excuses for that. Can you say that about yourself, Chris Brown? I didn't think so.

And you know what else, Mr. Brown? If "mainstream America" is just too damn racist for you, what say you shut up about it and leave. If it's SOOOoooo terrible here and full of SOOOoooo many racists, what are you doing here? Out! As in get. Get out! No one's making you stay here. And even if we were (though I cannot for the life of me imagine why) it wouldn't be because we were a bunch of racists. You're just a guy who beats up women. I don't care what color you are, I'd still think that you're a total loser.

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Just Can't Quit While She's Ahead

Wow. Some people just don't know how to quit when they're ahead. I mean, seriously, if you barely escaped being convicted of killing your infant daughter (which everyone knows that you did) and getting the death penalty and instead were only convicted of four counts of lying to the police, wouldn't you just take it and run? Well, run as soon as they let you out of jail, of course. You would. I would. I think most everyone would. Then again, most everyone (I think) isn't capable of actually killing their daughter and getting away with it in the way that Casey Anthony (allegedly) did. Thus, is it going to surprise you when I tell you that she's appealing her convictions for lying to the police? Of course it isn't.

According to the fine folks over there at ABC News, Casey Anthony "...filed an appeal (today) of her conviction that she lied to law enforcement officers." Why in the world would someone in her position do that? Is it just because she can? Is it because she already got away with the biggest crime of them all, the alleged murder of her little girl, and now she just wants to see if she can get off totally scot free? I mean, it's pretty obvious that she did a lot of things that were so wrong in so many different ways. Whether or not those things were "proven" might be in question, but what is not in question is that she lied. What else would you call it if you took police officers to your office in Universal Studios, only to stop them after you led them down various hallways and tell them that you lied about working there? It's right there in the description! You lied!


This girl will find herself in legal trouble again quite soon I predict. And I also predict that her convictions for lying will not be overturned because it's quite obvious that she lied. Then again, I also predicted that she would be convicted for killing her daughter because it's quite obvious that she did. Huh. No wonder she appealed.

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Didn't See That Coming

You know that this is going to be about the Casey Anthony verdict. Like there's anything else to choose from really. Actually, there are a load of things I could ramble on about, but this one seems fun.

Now, I know that there are a lot of folks out there who are really butthurt over the not guilty verdict. I agree that it is a sham of a verdict. Did those people on the jury hear the same evidence that I heard? I keep reading things online (take that for what it's worth) like "It was all circumstantial" and "Nobody knows exactly how she died." Umm...circumstantial doesn't mean it isn't worth anything. I mean, there are going to be circumstances. That's just how it is. And do we need to know how she died? Dead is dead. And it's like the prosecutor said in his closing statement: "You don't cover up an accident to make it look like a murder." No. No, you don't! And that has nothing to do with anything being "circumstantial". It has to do with flat out logic.

Next up...Kim Kardashian! (There are some words I never thought I'd say.) For some reason, the media had latched onto Kim Kardashian's tweets about this case. Now, from what I can tell, Kim Kardashian doesn't have much going on upstairs other than how to successfully market herself. That she is a genius at. Everything else, including breathing? Uhhh...not so much. But she has been into this case. And after the verdict was announced she tweeted the following:

Now, just as a little bit of a refresher, Kim Kardashian's father was Robert Kardashian. Robert Kardashian was part of the team that got OJ Simpson acquitted. Granted, she was 14 at the time, but you'd think that she would be acutely aware that these things CAN happen. There can be people who are seemingly guilty as can be (and who may or may not have sliced the heads off of a couple of people), but through the adept skills of lawyering (and picking a jury with sawdust for brains), the client can be found not guilty. That's what made your father famous, Kim. It's likely the only reason why anyone at all knows who you are. Don't be so surprised. You should know almost better than anyone else how this works.


And on the plus side (if there is one) at least we won't have to hear Nancy Grace in that shrieking voice of hers refer to Casey Anthony as "Tot Mom". That is the worst nickname ever. It's just ridiculous AND it's too all encompassing. it could be referring to anyone with a (wait for it) tot. The other positive outcome of this whole ordeal was watching Nancy Grace try not to lose her s*** after the verdict came down. I seriously thought that her head was going to explode. That was a little consolation after the soft-headed paste-eaters rendered their verdict.

I don't understand what happened in that jury room. And it's likely that I never will. But hey, I guess I can just hope that decades from now, justice will be served when Casey Anthony is caught stealing her own sports memorabilia.

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Not A Very Funny Joke

Remember yesterday when I was the ONLY ONE to mention that Anthony Weiner was still lying when he gave his apologetic press conference where he admitted to sending schlong shots with his phone to some unsuspecting hot chick that followed him on Twitter of all things? And remember how I pointed out that his lie consisted of his saying that he sent a picture of his penis to the chick "as a joke"? Right, because that's so funny. Sending pictures of your wang to people you've never met is absolutely hilarious and totally understandable. Or it isn't. And that's why I was surprised that I was the ONLY ONE to catch that. (Then again, the media sucks, so why does it surprise me?)

But yesterday, the "it was a joke" excuse came up AGAIN in another very implausible situation.

Like at the Casey Anthony trial. You remember her. She's the chick who allegedly (Translation: she totally did) killed her adorable 2-year old daughter because she was too encumbered with all of the duties of parenting and would have rather partied with her friends than look after a child. She would appear (translation: she is) to be a horrible human being. Apparently, "joking" has factored into her defense.

According to CNN, testimony in the case yesterday revealed that someone had searched for things such as ""inhalation," "self-defense," "meningeal artery," "ruptured spleen," "alcohol" and "head injury", as well as ""how to make chloroform," "neck breaking" and "making weapons out of household products". Interesting. (By the way, that meningeal artery? Yeah, that's a big ol' blood vessel in the brain. I had to look that up, but NOT because I'm planning on killing any two-year olds. Oh, and in case you were wondering, apparently you CAN make chloroform at home. Who knew? Then again, who needs to know, other than someone planning on killing their 2-year old daughter so that they can have more free time to party? But I digress.)

It was a prosecution witness that testified that these searches were found on the family computer. So, when then defense attorney goes to question the guy, do you know what "asserts" during questioning? His assertion was "that the links do not tell jurors what was on the websites accessed, and that some could have been jokes or information on self-defense." Of course! They could have been...wait. What?

Jokes? Look, a fancy myself as a bit of a funny person. Sometimes

to much to those who know me. There are lots of things that you can make jokes about, but as for someone who tries to find something humorous in damn near everything, let me just tell you that the meningeal artery isn't great material! What kind of jokes go with a ruptured spleen as the punchline? Or the subject. It really isn't clear. What IS clear is that the defense is really stretching here. It could have been a joke? The standard is reasonable doubt, not unreasonable doubt, you moron.

I

guess that it would be hard to defend someone who was so obviously guilty, but would you have to be so obvious about it? It could have been a joke, right? All of that searching for how to make chloroform and head injuries? Nothing funnier than that! Good Lord, she is so obviously guilty. I hope she gets what is coming to her. And with a defense like that, I can't imagine that she wouldn't. Then again, this blog doesn't ever report on anything that makes sense, so I guess it wouldn't surprise me if she somehow got off. People are morons. I can't change that, but I can make fun of it.

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