That's NOT Hitler!

I don't know if this is just one of the stupidest things that I've read in a while or if people are just getting stupider. I'm not sure which one it is because I'm having a hard time allowing myself to believe the validity of this article that I read in The Telegraph. Because if the article is true, then we as a people are completely doomed.

What we have is a cat. Well, a kitten to be more precise. The kitten was abandoned and ended up at the Wood Green animal shelter in someplace called Godmanchester. It's a cute kitten. But the shelter says that they're having a hard time finding a home for this particular animal. And considering that the shelter homes "five and a half thousand animals" every year, you'd think that finding a home for one kitten wouldn't be all that hard. That's where the stupidity comes in. They think that it's the kitten's "unusual" markings that are "putting people off". What markings, you ask? People think the kitten looks like Hitler. Behold!


Oh, for cryin' out loud. What?! That's right. Meet Kitler. (OK, the name cracks me up. Who would not want a cat named Kitler?! That's awesome! I might just name a cat that because it's funny. Kitler!) But I might be the only one who can see the awesomeness in all of this. Certainly, the morons who go to that particular shelter looking for an animal and pass over Kitler because of her markings are complete softheads. Besides, it doesn't REALLY look like Hitler! It just looks like it has a little moustache. Like Charlie Chaplin! Hitler really gave that style of facial hair a bad name.



And besides, it doesn't matter what the markings are, that doesn't mean the cat IS Hitler! THIS is Hitler! Behold!


There are SO many differences (and NONE of them are subtle) that I'm not even going to go into it. And I'm not saying that the shelter did the cat any favors by naming her Kitler, but I don't think it really matters. You have no idea how hard I am hoping that there is some other reason that this cat has not been adopted yet. Maybe it screeches uncontrollably at the sight of strangers. Maybe it smells like poo. Something. Anything! Anything other than people that think that it looks like freaking Hitler! See what I mean?! Doomed! We. Are. Doomed! Get 'em, kitty!

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Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!

My mom (and my dad) adopted me when I was around 24-28 days old. I guess mine was a typical story back then. Unwed woman gets knocked up by her boyfriend and flees the scene of the crime in Illinois to come to California and have me in total secrecy so that she can return to her old life like nothing happened. Whatever. These things happen. All I know is that when they called up my mom (who had been on the waiting list to adopt a child for quite some time) and said that they had a kid there and did she want it, she did.

Apparently, there were no questions asked. Next thing my mom knew, she had a kid. And even when I could not have been any more difficult than I was, she stuck it out. And it was all voluntary. I know that being a mother is usually voluntary. (Well, maybe not usually any more. But I can't think about that right now. I'm trying to be positive. Thinking about all of the underaged, knocked-up, hussies out there is just going to depress me.) But when you can't have your own kids and you go out looking for one and you just take the first one that someone throws at you? That's pretty voluntary. That's also pretty insane.

I don't have any kids. It's just not my thing. But it was my mom's thing. She wanted to be a mom. And for the last 40-something years, she has been. And I could not be happier with how things turned out. I would have posted this sooner, but I spent the day doing things for my mom. Currently, she's noshing down on a fabulous dinner. And I couldn't be happier that she's my mom. I love her. And for some reason, she loves me. I don't even care why. I'm just glad that she does.

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When Reunions Go Awry

ABC has this new show called "Find My Family" and it is just what it sounds like it is. People who have lost track of or who have never known family members (ie, kid gets put up for adoption and is searching for birth mother, or alcoholic father leaves family 25 years ago, but has now quit drinking and wants his family back, etc.) go on some sort of quest to find them. Actually, ABC goes on the quest and these people sit around and tearfully tell their story to the cameras. It's done by the people who do "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" so you know that you can expect the same sort of tragic build-up which culminates in some sort of spectacularly happy ending...only without the rusted plumbing and crumbling drywall. I think.

I kind of have an issue with this show. I'm not totally against families reuniting. But you have to admit that there are some people who are just better off without each other. Trust me, if you are separated from people who are related to you through no exodus of your own, there's a reason and it's usually not very pleasant. I'm not saying that it's always tragic, but you're going to have to define what that is to make that decision. Is getting knocked up as a teenager and moving across the country without telling anyone that you know what is going on and then giving birth to a child and giving it up for adoption immediately there in the delivery room and then going back across the country to resume your life, never having laid an eye on the child that just popped out of you and never telling a soul about it, is that a tragedy? I don't think that it is. It sounds kinda sad, but I don't think it sounds tragic. And just remember, I'm basing that assessment being the kid who popped out in that scenario. So it's not like I'm pulling all of this out of my arse like I do the majority of my posts. I have a little bit of investment in this sort of thing. I'm just saying.

I anticipate that this new show will focus on only the happy endings and will do absolutely zero follow up after the parties are reunited. Just because it's all great and tearful at first doesn't mean it's going to stay that way. I also highly doubt that this show will focus on the lives that the adoptees have had with their adoptive families. Someone, usually more than one someone, had to raise these people and I can only hope that their contribution to the searchers lives are not minimalized, though I doubt that will be the case.

Everything I've said up to this point pretty much sums up why I'm not exactly in favor of this show. This isn't someone's mortgage we're talking about, these are people's lives. And here's the perfect example of how this sort of thing could turn out, but that ABC is never in a million years ever going to air:

Meet Matthew Roberts:

According to The Sun, he had "...set about finding his biological parents with a mix of nerves and excitement." That seems reasonable. They also report that "...he hoped that discovering his father's identity would help him to work out what made him the man he had become." Yeah, see, I think that part is kinda crap.

He's hoping to learn about some dude that he's never met and understand how that made him grow up the way that he did? Um, shouldn't he be looking at the people who raised him for that knowledge? Yes, he should. Biology plays a pretty small role in how you turn out and I think that Matthew's case could really exemplify that position. See, Matthew did find out who his father was and it turns out, thank God, that Matthew was absolutely nothing like his father.

He learned that his father is in prison. Yikes. That's rough.

He learned that his father is in prison for the rest of his life. Um...uh-oh. (If this were a movie, that "pay attention" music would be playing right now.)

He learned that his father is Charles Manson. Oh, s**t.

ABC?? Calling ABC! Don't you want THIS on your little show?! Some guy who is searching for his biological parents finds out that his mother was raped and impregnated by Charles Manson during a drug fueled orgy! That sounds incredibly touching, doesn't it, ABC?! Hello? HELL-OH??

Huh. They don't seem to be paying attention to me. OK, back to Matthew. He looks an awfully lot like Mr. Manson, so I'm not really doubting his story all that much. Besides, it's not like something anyone would want to go around bragging about. "Hey, found my birth dad! Wanna guess who it is? Go ahead! You'll never get it. Nope. Nope. I'm just gonna tell you. It's Charles Manson. No, really! Charles MANSON! Yes! THAT Charles Manson. Hey, where are you going?"

But back to what I was saying about how it's more how you were raised than where you came from. Matthew says that "I'm not nuts but I've got a little bit of it. It's scary and upsetting. If I get worked up, my eyes get really big and that's really freaked some people out before....I don't even like the fact that I'm big. It makes me even scarier. My hero is Gandhi. I'm an extremely non-violent, peaceful person and a vegetarian." I'm not really sure what the vegetarian part has to do with any of this. It's not like Manson was a cannibal or anything. But I see what he's getting at. Manson was a guy who had a bunch of people killed and Matthew doesn't even have things killed for him to eat. Sure. I get that. Look, anything that the guy needs to come up with to convince himself and anyone else that he is not at all like Charles Manson, I'm thinking he gets to do that and he gets to do that however he wants. It's Charles Manson after all!

By the way, since learning of his offputting heritage, Matthew and Chuck have been exchanging letters. It's hard to tell what the letters actually say. Not because I haven't seen one of the letters, but because I can't read Chuck's handwriting enough to decipher his rantings. Behold!

It's a head scratcher. Here's the thing that Matthew says that I think ABC needs as a disclaimer on their show. "What I'm worried about is that you think you're going to meet your birth mother or father and they're going to love you and welcome you with open arms. But he's not that kind of person." No, I'd have to say that Charles Manson is not going to welcome you with open arms. A large butcher knife, perhaps, but open arms? Unlikely. I also think that Matthew is believing a lot of things that people in his situation, minus Charles Manson, of course, think when he says, "He's my biological father - I can't help but have some kind of emotional connection. That's the hardest thing of all - feeling love for a monster who raped my mother."

Matt...can I call you Matt? Matt, listen to me. I don't think that you are "feeling love" for the man whom you have accurately characterized as "a monster who raped (your) mother". I think you're still trying to filter out the "love" that you carried around all of these years for the father that you never knew. And now that you know, you haven't quite internalized how to deal with being OK with not loving the monster that is your father. Granted, I'm not a therapist or anything. Well, I'm not anymore. But if I still was, that's what I'd tell you.

I'm seriously hoping that this ABC show doesn't grow legs and stick around for very long. Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to protest or call ABC and claim to be offended or any sort of crap like that because I'm not offended. I just don't think that it's a great idea and I hope it goes away. At the very least, I'd like to hope that ABC would offer folks that participate in this circus act some sort of therapy before and after, but I think the chances of that happening would be slim to none. It's hard to say which would be more likely. Giving out the therapy or putting the Manson guy on there. Hmm. Definitely a coin flip.

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