Smoking Is Legal

Apparently, some people are all up in arms (however that happens) about the smoking at the end of the Herman Cain ad that was published on the Internets. And I'll admit that I thought it was a little odd when I first saw it. But I hardly think that it's anything to get all worked up about. Others, however, did not feel the same way.

According to an article over yonder at the Huffington Post, a one Bob Schieffer was none too pleased with the weird smoking man at the end of Herm Cain's Internet missive. He inquired about it during his interview with Cain in a manner that was as if Cain had killed a live chicken in the ad. His tone was absolutely that of someone who was completely offended. The dude wasn't snorting a rail of coke. He just took a drag off of a cigarette, for cryin' out loud. Calm down, folks.Bob Schieffer, who sounds and looks like a little elf, actually said to Cain, "It sends the message that it's cool to smoke." How does it do that? Did you see the guy doing the actual smoking? It's not much to aspire to via smoking, I'll tell you that.

Let's go over Schieffers chastising of the smoking in Cain's ad. "Was it meant to be funny? Because let me tell you, it was not funny to me. I am a cancer survivor. I had cancer that was smoking related. I don't think that it serves the country well, and this is an editorial opinion here, to be showing someone smoking a cigarette. And you're the front runner now. And it seems to me that as front runner, you have a responsibility not to take that kind of a tone. I would suggest that as the front runner that you would want to raise the level of the campaign."

But here's where Bob Schieffer's age might be getting the best of him. He asks Cain if he's going to take the ad down, to which Cain replies, "It's on the Internet." Schieffer clearly doesn't get what that means because he follows up with, "Why don't you take it off the Internet?" Cain tells him, "It's impossible to do now." He's right about that. If you ever want something to last for eternity, put it on the Internet. That stuff is never going anywhere. That Schieffer would even ask that question makes me wonder about how much he knows about the Internet. He must be a 'series of tubes' guy.

Schieffer asked, "Have you ever thought of just saying to young people, 'Don't smoke. 400,000 people in America die every year from smoking related diseases'?" (How would that even work? "Hi. I'm Herman Cain. I'm running for President and smoking is bad for you. Please vote!) It's not an anti-smoking PSA, Bob! It's a...well...OK, I'm not sure exactly what it is. But it isn't about smoking! Get over it. Maybe he was just trying to be edgy. Personally, I think that he was just doing something to get more people talking about him and to get more name recognition for himself. It worked. He was on Face the Nation with Bob Schieffer chastising him. Mission accomplished.


Look, I despise smoking. I find it absolutely disgusting. It will kill you and it could possibly kill those around you. It also makes you stink and makes me not want to be around you. (It also makes me not want to do anything else with you. Just sayin'.) There is nothing about smoking that is good or ok in moderation. We all know that. It's just all bad. That being said, it's freaking legal. It's as legal as can be. Yet there is nothing more ostracizing in parts of this country than smoking. I'd really like it if there could be some sort of consistency in this area. If it's going to be legal, then let's act like it's legal. But I digress.


And not that it matters what his campaign manager (or whatever that guy's role is) does or doesn't do, but I will hand it to them for at least acknowledging that people smoke. You know, President Barry smokes. Last I heard he had done pretty well with quitting, but you might not know that because they did such a good job covering up the fact that he smokes in the first place. Does Bob Schieffer ever get on President Barry's case for his smoking? Does Bob Schieffer ever tell President Barry what to say to the masses about smoking? I don't think that he does. But for some reason, he wants Herman Cain to run some sort of anti-smoking campaign. It's odd. (Well, not really. The media has been President Barry's bitch since before he was elected. It's a wonder that anything is reported accurately, given their complete adoration for the man.)

Cain told Schieffer "This wasn't intended to send any subliminal signal what so ever." Yeah, I don't know so much about that. It could send one subliminal signal. And that would be that he's just blowing smoke up everyone's ass. Or in their face. (I don't know how you browse the Internet, but from what I gather, either one of those could be correct.) I don't know if he's serious about being President or not, but he is serious about getting his name out there and amassing some recognition. You can't say that he hasn't accomplished that. He certainly has. And if he does end up being the nominee or the President, I have the feeling that we're going to be seeing a whole lot more smoke in a whole lot more commercials in the future.

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The Simpsonization of the Candidates

Just in case you give a fat rat's ass about who may be attempting to secure a nomination to be the Republican's Presidential candidate, but you can't remember anything unless it's in the form of The Simpsons, then have I got the chart for you. Behold (and click to enlarge)!

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What Was That?

I realize that the next Presidential election isn't for about seventeen months, but that doesn't mean that people aren't already starting to declare that they're going to run against President Barry. That also doesn't mean that people aren't already starting to talk about people as if they are full-blown, nominated candidates. It's not even CLOSE to nomination time! And really, I'm still kind of recovering from the 2008 election. Seriously, when did that start getting coverage? 2006? Yeah, I knew I was exhausted for a reason.

I don't think that you need a fancy ad to announce that you're going to seek the nomination from your party. Just announce it, already. But wait. If you're going to just announce it already, have it make some freaking sense, would you? Take the ad from a one Jon Huntsman. If this thing makes any freaking sense to you, I'm ready to hear all about it because I am stumped. Seriously, watch this: (And if it doesn't load, click here and watch that.)

6 Days from Jon Huntsman Jr. on Vimeo.

See what I mean? What the hell was that?! "In 6 days." I got that part. "Did not become famous with his band 'Wizard'." Wait. What now? His band Wizard? He's 51 years old and he's still touting his high school band? That NO ONE has ever heard about or knows about? And what's with the motocross racer? Was he in the band, too? Why does the motocross racer who may or may not have been in a band 35 years ago have anything to do with announcing that you want to make a run for a nomination to run for President? I don't know what I just watched. I hope that Mr. Huntsman hones his communication skills "In 6 days". And he might want to ditch the motocross guy. And for the love of God, don't talk about your high school band when you're 51. (Also, if you're IN high school, don't name your band "Wizard". Wizards are cool, but naming your band after them is not.)

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Stop Meaningless Polling!

I don't ask much of you guys. In turn, I usually get about what I asked for. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a request. If you or anyone you know has any pull or sway at any news or media institution, could you please see what could be done about ceasing any talk of Presidential polling numbers this early in the game? Please. Because the numbers at this point are pointless. You can't ask people if Barack Obama is going to be re-elected when you don't even know who he is running against! Make it stop!

It troubles me that no news organization has caught onto this yet. No, they just keep churning out poll numbers that are meaningless, only they do it as if they have meaning. It's not exactly like trying to tell non-addle-brained adults that the Easter bunny is real, but it's vaguely similar. The real difference in that fairly poor example is that the non-addle-brained adults can figure out that (SPOILER ALERT) the Easter bunny isn't real. In the case of the insignificant Presidential poll results, I'm afraid that people might actually be paying attention and thinking that it matters. Let me be clear: It does not matter. AT ALL.

I went back to January of 2008 and looked at the poll results for Presidential "candidates" at the time. According to the research done and compiled by American Research Group, as far as the Democratic candidates went, Hillary Clinton had a commanding lead over then-Senator Barry. They even had her at a fairly commanding lead over then-Senator Barry in December of 2007. Both of those results came at a time that was closer to the election that we are now! And the last time I checked, Hillary wasn't our President. (And the last time I checked, she was just getting over being bitter than she lost the nomination. I'm still not sure that she's over it.) And over on the Republican candidate front, in December of 2007, Rudy Giuliani was miles ahead of old man McCain. But by January of 2008, just one month later? Giuliani was nowhere to be found and it was a virtual toss up between old man McCain and pretty catcher's Mitt Romney.

So please, please remember that asking people if Barack Obama can be re-elected at this point and time is absolutely futile. Why doesn't the media understand that? Why don't they realize that they're wasting everyone's time with pointless polls this early on? Oh. Right. Because the media sucks. Yeah. All right. Back to you.

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A Blast From The Past

So, holy shishkabob, I had a really busy day. Family birthday party, entertaining guests, you know how it goes. And what do I do to relax when it's finally, finally over? I mean, what did I do to relax after I got done watching a documentary about hot dog joints across America? That's right. I started perusing photos over yonder at The White House Museum online. It's a pretty cool site. Lots of pictures of the White House (as the title might lead you to believe). Some old, some new. It's just a nice leisurely walk through some history. And it's also where I ran across this photo. Behold!

I don't know what it is about this that I find so fascinating. Obviously the fact that it's in color has something to do with the fascination. He appears to be a rather unkempt fellow. Why didn't he comb his hair? His tie looks crooked as well. He also looks exhausted and/or like he could drop dead any minute. (Here's to hoping this wasn't taken before he trotted off to Ford's Theater.) I don't know what about it that makes me just think. Maybe it's because this guy that I know has his whole family in Washington, DC right now and they're touring all of the memorials and remembering how cool it is that we are a (technically) free country. I don't know what it is. I just think it's cool. And I really want a hot dog right now.

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It's Not The Same

I don't watch Fox & Friends. I don't have any intention of ever watching Fox & Friends. First of all, it's a misleading name. It's supposed to be some morning news show with a bunch of news holes discussing current events. And I suppose that is what it is. But the name makes it sound like it is going to be a kid's show. You know, with an animated fox and his friends from the forest (I envision a deer, a bear, several birds, possibly doves, and a talking frog) all having wacky adventures with a feel-good message at the end. Kind of like the After School Specials, only without all of the drugs and teen pregnancy.

But here's why I'm not watching: The people who host the show, the "friends" I guess, are morons. Complete, class A, morons. Allow me to make my case.

Meet a one Gretchen Carlson. Ms. Carlson is one of the "friends". If she were a Spice Girl, she'd be Short Skirt Spice, as she the establishments at which she buys her apparel do not seem to carry items that go below her mid-thigh (on a conservative day). The other day, she was discussing whether or not President Barry show fire General McChrystal for some remarks that he made in a Rolling Stone interview (which didn't seem all that inflammatory to me, but I wasn't the one that the remarks were about). It was during that discussion that she felt the need to point out to people (who might not have been aware of this) that the President of the United States has to make very hard, very tough decisions. Really, Gretchen? Thanks for sharing. Oh, but she didn't stop there.

No, she made sure that we all understood just what being President was all about. So, according to the huffy folks over at The Huffington Post, she presented us with a comparison...to herself. That's right. She said that her job is just like being President of the United States. Now, I haven't seen President Barry sporting any mid-thigh skirts lately, but let's take a gander at her reasoning, shall we? She said, "It's just like our job...what's the role of an anchor during huge breaking news? You remember growing up? You'd tune to the television, and that one moment during the year, they would have to carry a story all along, It's the same thing as being the President of the United States."

::: blink ::: ::: blink :::

Good Lord, woman! What is wrong with you?! That rationale doesn't even make sense! How is carrying along a news story anything like being the leader of the most powerful nation in the world and trying to decide whether or not to fire the general who is in charge of the war in Afghanistan? I'm sure the connection is there and I'm just missing it by a little bit or something, right? WRONG! It's the most asinine comparison she ever could have come up with. And quite frankly, I don't have any faith that she could, in fact, carry a story all along. I'm actually rather skeptical as to whether or not she can carry her purse out to her car.

And I love how she says "You remember growing up?" Actually, I do remember growing up. It was fabulous. Nothing to worry about, especially the news! I certainly wasn't glued to the TV at 6am watching Fox & Friends. Is she also comparing herself to Walter Cronkite or Dan Rather or some other news fellow? She probably is. If she thinks that her job is just like the President's, then she probably also thinks that she does the same quality and caliber job as Walter Cronkite did. (Side note: Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather didn't do exactly what the President of the United States did either.)

To quote the beloved Bugs Bunny: "What a maroon."

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It's Now News, But It's All They've Got

I am aware that there is turmoil swirling about the planet at the moment, but you might want to (I can't believe I'm saying this) turn to Twitter or something equally as unthinkable if you're looking for news updates on just about anything. And when I say "news updates" I mean just that. Updates on the news. Hence the term! It was bad enough that CNN was leading with the story about how some people were caught off guard by the transition from analog TV signals to digital TV signals. And the story was not about what you'd expect it to be about and that would be that anyone who did NOT know that change over was occurring (even though it's been shouted to the general public for SEVEN years) is such a complete moron they really shouldn't even attempt to get themselves upright each day. That's what that story should have been about. But no, CNN went with the "they're unable to watch TV" with the general tone being that of general grief and sorrow. You know, the 'something horrible has just happened' voice/tone which gets used most often when something horrible has not happened. But the media is taking it to a whole new level now.

"Now" being the time in which President Barry is our President. First of all, am I the only one that has noticed that as soon as it was clear that he had won the election, suddenly he is our "first black President". The half of him that is white? Gone! Vanished! Disappeared faster than John McCain! (Too bad it didn't pattern itself after Sarah Palin, otherwise President Barry's whiteness would still be in the news...for some inexplicable reason.) He's half white! And yes, that's still how I refer to him. Our first half white President. It doesn't go over well, but I find it hil-arious every time I get to throw it into an appropriate conversation.

Phil Bronstein, the ex-Mr. Sharon Stone and Executive VP and Editor-

at-Large (whatever the heck that is) of the San Francisco Chronicle, wrote a piece titled "Love or Lust, Obama and the Fawning Press Need to Get a Room" which basically states that the press is acting more like President Barry's fan club than the neutral reporters that they are supposed to be. This is coming from a guy who is the VP of the SF Chronicle. The Chronicle doesn't report with what I would consider to be a conservative point of view. No, they're skewed just "a bit liberal", but in the same way that San Francisco is "a bit gay", which is to say very. So if the media guys on the left are noticing (and complaining!) that the press is just a little bit too chummy with President Barry, it really must be over the top (and San Francisco folks in general have a pretty high tolerance in a lot of cases for what qualifies as 'over the top'.).

You can read his article over yonder there at The Huffington Post. Whilst I was perusing it, I ran across the clip below from what Bronstein called "Living Large With the Top Dog" (and he wasn't referring to Bo). In the clip, President Barry is having a little sit down with Brian Williams from NBC. Let's just think about all of the things in an exclusive interview that a reporter/interviewer or Brian Williams could ask the President of the United States. The economy. Unemployment. Foreclosures. Oil prices. The environment. North Korea. Hurricane Katrina. (I just threw that one in there to get ya all good and steamy! I'm so sick of hearing about Katrina. It was four years ago! Pipe down and move on!!) And I didn't see the whole thing, so maybe he did cover some of those topics, but that's not shown in the clip.

The clip has Brian Williams asking the President of the United States the following:

"I couldn't help but notice your trip this week coincides with Conan O'Brien's first week on the air. Is it because of that or...were there considerations, perhaps, that you almost cancelled to stay and watch his first week of hosting 'The Tonight Show'?"

Three. Two. One. You may now bash your head against the nearest solid surface. But don't pass out ! There's more! President Barry had to respond!

"Well, I think that, uh (pause), um (pause), Conan will do an outstanding job. Look, this is something that we've discussed several times in the Oval Office. How to manage this transition between uh, Leno and, uh, and Conan. And, uh, I think he's up to the task. But, uh, um, I just want him to know that there's not going to be any bailout coming out from Washington (pause) if he screws it up."

Are you effing

kidding me? Look, I'm all for laid back. I want the President of the United States to be relaxed. But doing a bit that plugs the new host of The Tonight Show? Don't we have actors for that sort of thing? Borat? Carrot Top? Why would you agree to that if you are Brian Williams? You're supposed to be a reporter/journalist. Would you rather work for Entertainment Tonight or The Insider? Maybe next time Pat O'Brien ends up in rehab you can snag a guest hosting gig until he sobers up. What is wrong with you, sir?

Could it get worse? It DID. President Barry did an interview yesterday with John Harwood of CNBC. What was the headline the AP ran with? That's right. "Obama Kills Fly During Interview." Oh, for cryin' out loud. WHAT?!

He's the President of the United States!! What is wrong with people?! He killed a fly?? Are you actually telling me that he killed a fly?? Why are you telling me that?? Is that what the AP actually considers "news"? They must! They have it filed under "National News" and "Political News". What? Not "Entomology News"? Not "Pesky Pest News"? Not "Fly-o-cide"?? Come on! Cover all of the bases! Make yourselves look like complete jackasses!

"President Barack Obama, nettled by a fly during a TV interview at the White House, took matters into his own hands Tuesday." Oh, God. Make it stop.

"Said Obama to the persistent fly: "Get out of here."
But it didn't." Seriously. Is this an opening for a children's book?

"So Obama waited for the fly to settle, put his hand up and then smacked the fly dead in one try.Without missing a beat, the president said to CNBC correspondent John Harwood: "Now, where were we?"

Hold on! Not so fast! We need more explanation as to exactly how it was that he swatted that fly. After all, I don't think hardly anyone in America has ever had to swat their own fly like that. OH, we've tried! Believe me! But we're not President Barry "The Messiah" Obama.

"Well, maybe one more second to gloat. Said Obama: "That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got the sucker." No wonder the press thinks he's so freaking great. HE thinks he's pretty great himself. It was a FLY! What? Do you want a cookie?!

"The camera crew was still rolling in the East Room. Obama didn't mind. He pointed to the vanquished insect on the ground and said, "You want to film that?"

CNBC did. That fly is history." And so are we. Goodbye, sweet America. Goodbye.

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