Good Luck, Players

Well, it looks like there isn't going to be an NBA season. I'm not even sure exactly what the last offer that the owners made to the players, but I know that they should have taken it. And here's why...

You might have a fabulous talent for doing something. Regardless as to what that something is, the value of your talent isn't necessarily determined by you, but rather by others who are in a position to evaluate your talent to see how it may be of benefit to them. Let's say that you can paint pictures of cats really well. You paint pictures of cats so well that no one can tell the difference between your pictures of cats and actual photographs of cats. You're THAT good! But all people who see your pictures of cats only say, "Wow! You're really good at painting cats!" And then they move on. Does that benefit you in any way? OK, your ego gets a little stroking here and there. (That's ALL that gets stroked in this scenario, all right? JUST the ego!) But it's not like you're going to make a living selling your cat pictures when no one is there to pay for your cat pictures. It doesn't mean that you don't possess an extraordinary talent. It just means that other people don't care as much as you might think that they should.


That's how this NBA thing is shaping up to look like for the players. Sure, they can play basketball really well. I don't think that I'd be exaggerating if I said that the players in the NBA were the best basketball players in the world. But that's not going to matter if they don't have a league to play in. And the owners know that. The owners seem perfectly OK with telling the players to take their offer or leave it because the owners will be fine in the end. I'm not saying that the NBA is going to fold because the two sides can't work things out, but if it did, the owners would be just fine. The players, on the other hand, probably not so much.


I've always seen the NBA as the most narcissistic of all the organized sports. (I also see it as the most thuggish, but that's a whole different post.) They seem to think that their outrageous salaries are just not enough. From what I can figure, the average NFL salary is between $770,000 and about a million dollars a season. AND the average NFL career lasts about 3.5 years. Compare that to the average NBA salary which is an astonishing $4.5 million per year and an average career of around five years. That's just absolutely insane and unsustainable in the long run. And the long run is here, but the players just don't want to accept it or something.


So, good luck players. Good luck being the best basketball players on the planet without having anywhere to play or without having anyone to watch you play. Sure, go ahead and start your own league. I'm sure that you'll have that up and running in no time. But if that doesn't work and y'all decide to stop being just greedy babies about everything, let someone know. We wouldn't mind having NBA games to watch this season, but I guarantee you that we're not going to die without them. The ball is pretty much in your court, players. And you can take your ball and go home if you want. It's your choice, but I think that you're making the wrong one.

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Put Down Your Race Card, LeBron

You know what I dislike more than people not taking responsibility for their actions? Because while I can't stand that, what I can't stand even more is when some sort of celebrity or sports star doesn't want to take responsibility for their actions. And what I dislike even more than that is when anyone goes blaming something on race that is so clearly not about race. LeBron James, I'm talking to you.

As you may or may not care to recall, back in July, LeBron James turned making a simple choice into a one hour spectacle on ESPN titled "The Decision" when he announced what team he had chosen to play for next year, as his contract in Cleveland was up. The thing was, he had already decided where he was going to play. He was going to go to Miami and play for the heat along with his buddies Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh and, hopefully, win a title. He had orchestrated this whole thing to put himself on what he considers the best possible team which could win a championship. And he did so in a fashion that made him look like a self-important d-bag.

That sort of egocentric behavior didn't go over well with a lot of people. Couldn't he have just announced his choice via a press conference like a regular athlete. Oh, don't give me that crap about him not being "regular". He's a person who plays basketball really, really well. And we all know it. We don't need him to stage some one hour long "special" where he called all of the shots and all of the questions that were asked of him were giant softballs. We didn't need it, but he, apparently did.

Lately, LeBron has been feeling a little bit of the backlash from his decision to not stay in Cleveland. People were not happy that he left and took the only realistic chances that Cleveland has to win a title with him. People are also not happy that he, basically, got together with Wade and Bosh and decided that they should all play on the same team together, instead of against each other. And look, I can see why he did it. What NBA player doesn't want to win a championship? They all do. I get that. But what ever happened to competing against each other in order to prove your greatness in your quest to get that title?

But if LeBron thinks that he felt backlash for "The Decision", he's really going to be surprised when people react to his take on WHY there was a bit of a backlash. Of course, he doesn't think it was because he made a d-bag move with that one hour ESPN special. No, he thinks that the problem that people have with him (wait for it) is because of his race. You may now scream at the top of your lungs.

Race?! RACE?! You think that people don't like what you did because of your RACE?! You, sir, are a complete moron! Do you really think that? Apparently he does. According to The Huffington Post, James was speaking with CNN's Soledad O'Brien and she mentioned to him that his "...brand and name were "tarnished" because of his decision to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers in such a public fashion". I would have thought that the words "in such a public fashion" would have been reason enough for people to not be happy with him, but I guess that Soledad needed to kick it up a notch (because that would have simply been too boring) and continued her inquiry by asking "...if race played a role in the backlash." Good Lord. Well, I guess I hate her, too.

WHY on earth would you jump to that conclusion? Why?! Is it JUST because he's black? It has to be because there's no indication AT ALL that ANYTHING that has come out of his way of handling things has been because of his race. But he heard that and saw the chance to jump on it and he did when he responded, "I think so at times...It's always, you know, a race factor." Go eff yourself. Sir. And don't go eff yourself because you're black. Go eff yourself because you're a freaking moron to make such an idiotic assertion. Screw you.

And that's my reaction. Now let's look at how some of the NBA's legends reacted to "The Decision". Let's start with Michael Jordan who said, "There's no way, with hindsight, I would've ever called up Larry [Bird], called up Magic [Johnson] and said, 'Hey, look, let's get together and play on one team...But that's ... things are different. I can't say that's a bad thing. It's an opportunity these kids have today. In all honesty, I was trying to beat those guys."

Hmmm. OK. We've heard from MJ. How about if we hear from another MJ? That being the great Magic Johnson who said that he would not have done what James did because you don't join your rivals. "We didn’t think about it because that’s not what we were about...From college, I was trying to figure out how to beat Larry Bird.”

Maybe LeBron took up the old adage, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Because that's exactly what he did. And you know who else wasn't real happy about it and thought that it was kind of a wussy move? Charles Barkley. And whenever Sir Charles opens his mouth, you know you're going to get an earful of honesty. He said, "I thought that his little one-hour special was a punk move. I thought them dancing around on the stage was a punk move, and I thought he should’ve stayed in Cleveland. Him joining Dwyane Wade’s team was very disappointing to me … That one-hour special, them jumping around on stage like punks, that wasn’t cool to me. From a basketball standpoint, I wish he had stayed in Cleveland."

OK. So we have Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley chiming in saying that that's not how they would have handled things and that the competition between rivals is very important to them. Hmm. What do Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley all have in common other than having been in the NBA? Oh, that's right! They're BLACK. Do you want to explain that, LeBron? No, he doesn't. Oh, but it's because of race. Of course. Just for that comment alone, LeBron, I hope you never win a championship. And if you don't, go ahead and blame that on race, too. That will draw people back to your side again. Sure.

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Los Morons

And the ridiculousness just keeps right on going in Arizona over their illegal immigration law (which is no different than the Federal immigration laws that have been in place for years). Only this time, it's taken a whole new twist. This time, we have the idiocy over protesting this new law and it has been combined with sports. Yeah, what could possibly go wrong with that sort of a combination, right?

See, according to ESPN, the NBA's Phoenix Suns wore " "Los Suns" on their jerseys in Game 2 of the Western Conference semifinals on Wednesday night." Uh, what? Now, if that kind of sounds like a language other than English, you'd be correct. That would be a touch of Spanish. Technically, I would have thought that the jerseys would have read "Los Soles", as "soles" is the plural of "sun" which is "sol", but if it's the name of a team or something like that, you leave it alone. Why you're allowed to Spanish-ize part of the name, but not the other part isn't exactly clear to me. But that's the reason why it was "Los Suns".

This ridiculous idea was the brainstorm of the owner (or propietario) of the Suns, Robert Starver. He said that it was "...to honor our Latino community and the diversity of our league, the state of Arizona, and our nation." Uh-huh. Never mind that you need to read, write and speak English to become a citizen. Never mind that language is one of the key elements that holds together a society. Never mind all of that. Go right on ahead with dividing people up into groups based upon race and not upon citizenship. What could possibly go wrong there?

See, when I first heard that they were going to do this, I wasn't all that concerned about it because I didn't think that there was any way in hell that David Stern, the commissioner of the NBA, would let it happen. You can't just make your jersey say whatever you want, can you? Apparently you can. That's because David Stern told NBA.com "We think it's appropriate what the Suns are doing." You do? How on earth is it appropriate for a sports team to make any sort of a political statement? You're not politicians. You're not activists. You're sports guys who get paid a ridiculous amount of money whether you win OR lose. If you want to express your dislike for the new law on your own time, that's your business. But for you to want to do it when you're at work? I have a hard time seeing how that's appropriate.

And I guess that I'm never going to understand how it's appropriate in the mind of David Stern because his mind clearly does not work like that of a sane individual. That's because, according to NBA Fanhouse, "...on Monday (Danny) Ainge tossed a towel skyward" during a playoff game. It didn't hurt anyone. It didn't obstruct any play or anything like that. But according to someone named Terrence Moore, Ainge was "spitting on the so-called "integrity of the game" -- which Stern and other commissioners of other leagues always say they must protect." Yep. And that's why Danny Ainge "...has been fined $25,000 for creating an unauthorized distraction and for conduct detrimental to the game." Wait. What now?

Danny Ainge gets fined $25,000 for throwing a towel in the air, but the Phoenix Suns are allowed to change their jerseys so that they read "Los Suns" and that's perfectly OK?! How is that NOT an unauthorized distraction? Is there some sort of clause in the NBA rules that says that making a political statement on the court is an authorized distraction? What a maroon.

I would like nothing more than for Phoenix Suns season ticket holders to give up their seats. Let those who are in the country illegally purchase them for next season and see how that turns out for them. I'm going to mention AGAIN that the majority of Arizona residents are in FAVOR of this legislation. It's not like it's unpopular amongst the masses or anything. It does seem, however, to be extremely unpopular amongst the uninformed and the clueless. That seems obvious.

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Anticipating Marital Disaster

Here we have one Khloe Kardashian. Behold! Wow. OK. Well. She's the daughter of....Kim? Kardashian? Oh, no. Wait. That's her sister. Robert? Richard? Kardashian? Robert. Bob. Bob Kardashian. There it is. She's the daughter of Bob Kardashian. Bob was one of the lawyers at the OJ Simpson trial on OJ's side. Literally. On his side. He sat next to him during the trial. Not a whole lot of lawyering going on with him during all of that. Definitely a whole lot of sitting, though. Until now, I had been unaware that simply sitting next to an alleged murderer was cause enough for your children to become reality stars after you croak from esophageal cancer in 2003. But apparently it is even though no one knows why exactly. The point here, however, is that Khloe Kardashian (who I realize that you still care nothing about and still have no idea who she is) is getting married this weekend to a one Lamar Odom. Odom plays in the NBA for the LA Lakers. Here is a photo of Odom before encountering the Kardashian. Behold!

Seems normal. Happy. Upbeat about things. Somewhere along the line (and that line being August from what I can tell) he met Khloe and they began dating. Six long and a wonderful weeks later and they're gettin' hitched! Of course, they announced the engagement on the 18th of September, so they had probably known each other right around 5 weeks. Sure, that seems reasonable. What could possibly go wrong? I don't know. Let's look at some photos of the happy couple and see if there's anything different about Lamar, shall we? Behold!

Oh. Well. Well, that could just be a bad day. Not everyone is photogenic every day of their life, right?

Oh. Well. So, two. TWO not great photos. That doesn't mean anything. Really?

All right. Knock it off. This is getting ridiculous. See now, now all that's happening is....

I said cut that out! Lamar! What the hell?!?! Why are you marrying this woman if she is going to make you look like that Lamar?

Oh, God. Lamar! Are you pregnant? Is that it, Lamar? No, wait. That can't be it. But then what? What is it?? I don't know exactly, but it's fishy and I smell a rat. A fishy rat. Yep. That's what I smell.

Turns out that Khloe has sold exclusive rights to the temporarily happy couple's day of wedded bliss to OK! Magazine for a sum reported to be around $300,000. Now that money goes strictly to her, none of it goes to our man, Lamar. But, according to TMZ, now Lamar wants a prenup. The only thing is that it has to be done by Sunday (that's when the wedding is) and that they have to get married on Sunday. That has something to do with one of the companies that actually puts money into one of the reality shows that Khloe is on (yes, I believe that, by some inexplicable miracle, she has more than one) is footing the bill for the one million dollar wedding, but only if they get married on Sunday. If they postpone it, deal's off.


And by the way, Lamar is 30 and his bride-to-be is 25. Neither of them have been married before, but Lamar did "spend time with" another woman for at least ten years, otherwise known as "long enough to father three children with her". It's unclear to me exactly when the relationship between Lamar and Lisa Morales ended, but here's a photo of her, compliments of TMZ. Behold!

Lamar's bachelor party was to be hosted by none other than Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis. According to the invite, the party would have featured "stripper poles, midgets and tons of candy". OK, then. Sounds classy, which must have had something to do with why he ended up cancelling it. Probably a wise move. I don't think that it's a good idea to start your marriage off as you're recovering from a night which involved the preannounced appearance of midgets. It's a bad omen. Everywhere.

So here's my question: I haven't checked the Vegas lines yet, but doesn't there have to be an Over/Under bet on how long this marriage lasts? I'll take the Unders, thanks. I'm willing to put up at least $100 that it lasts for under a year and at least $50 that it lasts for under six months. Unless, of course, she turns up preggers and then all bets are off. Had I not known that he had already fathered a gaggle of kids, I might have bet pretty heavily on his marrying Khloe out of paternal obligation (regardless of the fact that it's practically unheard of these days, not to mention seemingly non-existent in the NBA). But since that doesn't seem to be the case, I'm holding off on that one. But I am predicting doom and disaster, ie: divorce. Soon.

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