Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Slow News Day In Iran

Paul. The Octopus. That is correct. If you're unfamiliar with Paul, allow me to familiarize you. Paul is

I'm a Dinner Jacket felt the need to mention Paul on more than one occasion when he gave a speech this past weekend in Tehran. Some of his anti-Paul points were:

He "...accused the octopus of spreading "western propaganda and superstition." It is unclear how an octopus does that. I am also unfamiliar with any sort of western propaganda involving octopuses. Octopi? Octopussies? You know what I mean.


He "...claims that the octopus is a symbol of decadence and decay among "his enemies". If "his enemies" include the German soccer team, then he may have a point. Granted, there is no evidence indicating that this is what the deal is. I get that. You get that. Dinner jacket does not get that.

He says that Paul "...is a symbol of all that is wrong with the western world." I don't know if it's a symbol of all that's wrong. Have you paid attention to the western world lately? There's an awful lot of things that are wrong. I highly doubt that they can all be symbolized by one octopus. Please. Even symbols have limits.

And finally, this nutjob said, "Those who believe in this type of thing cannot be the leaders of the global nations that aspire, like Iran, to human perfection, basing themselves in the love of all sacred values." Hey, valuing an octopus that can predict the outcome of sports events where betting and subsequent winning can be involved sounds just like the sort of thing that I'd like to base myself in. Who said that just because we like a tricky octopus that we aspire to lead a nation? Why can't we just want to watch some soccer and eat some hot wings? OK, fine. I don't really want to watch soccer, but I do enjoy the hot wings. Can't we just do that? And have the octopus get his treat? Seems reasonable to me. Then again, I'm not some crazy dictator of one of the sand lands, so what do I know? Probably not much, but I'd like to think that I'd be able to talk about something other than the alleged evils of an octopus which may or may not be able to predict the outcome of soccer matches.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010
They Didn't Ask For Signs
I think I love Arizona Governor Jan Brewer. Seriously. This video rules. Way to call out the Federal Government! Nice.
But He Got His Burrito!


Here's the scoop: According to the San Francisco Chronicle (which is so liberal it probably wets itself every time one of these rulings gets handed down) "...the law entitles wheelchair users at a restaurant to the same view as everyone else at the food that awaits them - in this case, burritos, tacos and the rest of the fare at Chipotle Mexican Grill." Does it now? Does it really?

Do you really need to see your food being prepared? Plenty of other
restaurants feed you God only knows what without you witnessing the preparation of said food incarnation. Those restaurants are probably just fine for folks in wheelchairs. And again, don't get me wrong, as I'm not dismissing those in wheelchairs as people who are not entitled to the same rights as others. That's not it. I know people in wheelchairs and I know that it sucks. But the people who I know that are in wheelchairs realize the inherent limitations of society in general. Not seeing what goes into your burrito as it is going in there would seem to be one of those inherent limitations.


According to KGTV, "I just wanted Chipotle to understand it cannot treat people
in a wheelchair in a different way than everybody else," he (Antoninetti) told 10News from Italy." From ITALY?! Well, good to know that he's using his settlement money wisely. But the point here is that they weren't treating people in a wheelchair differently. They were doing what society must (and should) do for folks with disabilities. They were accommodating them. Why is it that the businesses have to be accommodating, but the folks with the disabilities don't? Why is it that the businesses are supposed to recognize the limitations of those with the disabilities, but the disabled folks are not supposed to recognize the limitations of the businesses? I don't get it.


If you click on the link above for KGTV, there is a video that accompanies this story. In the video,
you will see Chipotle employees holding up samples for the person in the wheelchair to view, carrying the man's food to his table, making sure that he has everything that he needs, etc. He received excellent attention despite not being able to see his burrito being made. He appeared to be able to get around just fine inside the restaurant. He appeared to be in most hospitable atmosphere that one could hope for. And yet that wasn't enough for him. Or for his attorney. So they sued. Nice. I'm kind of surprised that Chipotle was willing to lower their counters and didn't just opt for the having no one be able to see their burrito being made so that this ONE guy wouldn't flip out. That would have solved the problem, too. All or nothing. Sounds like a really good way to ruin a perfectly good society. Way to go, sir. You jackass.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Now Here's A World's Record
With my ranting lately about ridiculous world records, I just happened to run across on that was actually pretty cool. It required some work, isn't just something that just anyone can do and has clearly defined parameters. What we have here is a parrot; yes, a parrot; a parrot that does tricks. Actually, it's a parrot that does some very amusing tricks as well as some seemingly difficult ones. (I base this strictly on the fact that it's a parrot performing the tricks. They probably wouldn't be so hard for most humans. Most.) All I know is that it's a Kili Senegal parrot. (Even though I know that, it means absolutely nothing to me. You could have told me it was a Flux Capacitor parrot and I would have believed you and nodded knowingly.) Oh, and the other thing I know is that the guy who trained the parrot seems to be very good at training parrots. He was very good at training this particular parrot, at least. The point here is that the video below depicts a REAL world record. Finally.
Monday, July 26, 2010
We Have A Wiener

According to the newsy folks over there at the NY Daily News, a local restaurant called


But this soft headed woman was all for the idea! "The publishing company worker said she
relished the opportunity "to do something out of the ordinary." (I'm sure that "relished the opportunity" was not on purpose because I can't imagine that someone who is dense enough to fall for this would be so quick to make an appropriate pun such as that.) I can think of a whole bunch more things that would have been "out of the ordinary" that would have left her less seventy dollars in the end. Some legal, some possibly not so much. Most of them would have been money better spent than on a hot dog.

In case your a-clamoring to make your own $69 dog at home and see how many of your friends you can weasel into coughing up the
dough for it, here's what you're going to need: Some truffle oil, a salted pretzel bed, truffle butter, duck foie gras, Dijon mustard, Vidalia onions and ketchup." Wait a minute. You're going to put ketchup on a dog that has foie gras on it? That's just gross. Foie gras in and of itself is gross, but to put ketchup on it? That's just wrong. But basically, the only thing worth anything on this dog is the truffle stuff and the duck liver. Other than that, you've got yourself some pretty basic hot dog fixin's. See what I mean? It's all just a ruse. And who wants their hot dog on a pretzel bun? No one. That's why it's supposed to be a pretzel and not a hot dog enclosure. Pay attention!

But here's the best (or worst) part of this dealio: "The restaurant racked up the priciest dog record
right away; there was no previous titleholder." Wait. What now? There wasn't a record? So...basically, EVERY hot dog that was sold before this one technically WAS the titleholder?! This is why there can't be world records for things that you can just make up and put whatever price you want on them. I could take a Ball Park frank, sprinkle it with gold flakes and diamonds, say that it's a thousand dollars, and set it up with a friend ahead of time for them to "pay" me for the dog and then I have just sold the world's most expensive hot dog. Technically. Then again, I wouldn't want to be the world record holder of something so ridiculous. Not to mention so NOT world record-y.


Sunday, July 25, 2010
Getting A Little Squirrelly

That's all why I was not overly interested when I heard that, at $770 per bottle,



Oh, what the hell is that? That is the End of History Beer by BrewDog. According to AOL News the BrewDog co-founder, a one 29-year old James Watt said, "This is the beer to end all beers. It's an audacious blend of eccentricity, artistry and rebellion; changing the general perception of beer one stuffed animal at a time." OK, then. I'd definitely say that a $770 bottle of beer is audacious and reeks of a rebellion. But I'm not so sure that it changes the general perception of beer as much as it changes the general perception of anyone out there who is trying (sometimes desperately) to make a buck. I'm not much for gimmicks. I'm all for gimme, as in "Gimme my beer and leave me the hell alone". THAT I can totally get behind. A gimmick? Not so much.



Saturday, July 24, 2010
Have You Seen My Dog?






My main question is how long did it take these women to find the dog? That is one dog-screwing transvestite that doesn't mess around, let me tell you. Gets right down to business, that one does. Did the mood just strike him or something? Seriously, who sees a dog running past them when they're cross dressing in a black dress whilst wandering about the outside of a castle and thinks, "I'm gonna get me some of that!" Holy canoli, man. And what do you say when you encounter something like that. "Stop that" just doesn't seem like enough, you know?

In case you were wondering the castle in particular was Pendennis Castle. That's too close to
some weird spelling or insinuation of "penis" if you're asking me. I'm not implying that they were asking for it. I'm merely noting the coincidence of it all. Regardless of the name, Pendennis Castle "...is a popular family tourist attraction and was heaving with visitors in high season." That's not all it was heaving with. It seemed to also be heaving with a fair amount (in this case, ANY is a fair amount, even if it's only ONE) of animal fornicators.


Just that "A spokesman for English Heritage said: "This was a very rare
incident". You think?! Did he feel the need to say that because he was worried that Pendennis Castle was going to get some sort of misappropriated reputation for being the sort of establishment where transvestites do it with dogs all the time?! Was that the fear? A very rare incident. Well, I should certainly hope so! Good Lord....

Friday, July 23, 2010
That's Not What It Is

Sometimes, I think of scientists as just like you and I (we would be the non-scientists). But when I read that sentence and learn that there IS an unmistakable look to an antler bone carved like a schlong that I realize that scientists see things in a whole different way than you and I. What was that? Oh, the bone? Heh-heh. (Pun totally intended.) Sure. Behold!

Well, they have a point. That's definitely penile look, I'll give them that. And according to a one Gšran Gruber (you pronounce that any way you want to), a archaeologist of the National Heritage Board in Sweden, "Your mind and my mind wanders away to make this interpretation about what it looks like – for you and me, it signals this erected-penis-like shape...But if that's the way the Stone Age people thought about it, I can't say." Oh, please.


Contributing to quotes without a lot of scientific mojo to them would be a one Swedish archaeologist Martin Rundkvist, who says that "Without doubt anyone alive at the time of its making would have seen the penile similarities just as easily as we do today." You don't say. So, people thousands of years ago would have recognized a penis if they saw one? Really? Fascinating. Or not.


They don't know whether it was a dildo or not. It doesn't take a scientist with a fancy Swedish name to figure that out. That Gruber guy said, "Perhaps instead of, or in addition to, its sexual purpose, the object may have been used as a tool, such as to chip flakes of flint". What? I understand the part about "instead of", but I became a bit confused with the infusion of "in addition to". Are they saying that ancient dildos also doubled as some sort of a chisel? That doesn't seem like a very good idea at all. (First of all, you really need to hold that chisel steady to get the most effective cut. It can't be slipping and sliding all over the place, you know.)

They also don't know what it was for even if it was a dildo, as the article states, "It's not immediately clear whether the tool would have been one most likely to be used by men or women or both." Now, when they say "tool", are they referring to a tool like a hammer or are they referring to a tool like something that gets the job done? Hard to say. Not sure I want to know, either. Wait a minute. It says that the thing "...is about 4 inches (10.5 cm) long and 0.8 inches (2 cm) in diameter." Four inches long? Not even an inch in diameter? It's not a dildo. Trust me. It's not a dildo.


Thursday, July 22, 2010
That's Just A Sketch

Today, I thought that I was finally going to get a glimpse of all that I had longed for when I saw a link over at People.com that said "See Lindsay Lohan Getting Handcuffed". Now, I got pretty excited because from what I had read, the judge had ordered no pictures or video be taken when she was getting cuffed. I figured that this had to be some sort of rogue photo that someone managed to sneak and then promptly sold to People for a gazillion dollars. I couldn't click fast enough. I was, as you can imagine, sorely disappointed. Not to mention, I was a little irritated as well. This is what they showed me. Behold!



It's just unfortunate (or maybe not so much depending on how you're looking at this) that she had to go to jail to have a semi-flattering picture taken of her. Whatever. It's only been a little over 24 hours. Word is that she'll be doing between 14 and 23 days of her 90 day sentence. There's still plenty of time for spectacle and drama. And if it happens, I'll be enjoying every moment of it.