More Depressing Poll Results

Well, yesterday I posted what I thought were the most depressing poll results ever. Today, I have equally depressing poll results to share with you. The only good news that I have is that these poll results came from the exact same place that yesterday's poll results came from. Thus, we can hold out a sliver of hope that it's just asshats that read the NY Daily News that feel this way. But really, I'm hoping that what Scott said yesterday was true and that Skynet thing becomes self aware and kills us all.

Back to the NY Daily News where we learn about how New York is making all sorts of new regulations for summer camps. You remember summer camp, don't you? If you're like me, you probably look back on summer camp much more fondly than you did when you were actually in attendance. Oh, don't get me wrong, camp was OK. But it certainly wasn't the best thing that ever happened to me. (I'm still waiting for the best thing to ever happen to me to finally freaking happen. I hope it's not much longer. I don't know how much more I have left in me after reading stories like this one.) The point is that there were lots of games at summer camp. And since New York is now regulating summer camp, those games will be no more. Why? Because they're too dangerous, of course.

What sort of games were they offering that put children's lives in peril? Why, games such as (brace yourself) freeze tag, Wiffle Ball, kickball, dodgeball, Capture the Flag, Steal the Bacon and Red Rover are "...deemed dangerous in new state regulations for day camps." Freeze tag is dangerous?! They do know that no one actually gets frozen, right? This isn't some sort of cryogenic camp. Who is doing this and why? According to the article it is the Health Department. "The Health Department created a list of supposedly risky recreational activities - which also includes more perilous pursuits like archery, scuba and horseback riding - in response to a state law passed in 2009." Umm, wait. What summer camp offers scuba diving? And archery is ONLY dangerous if you stand in front of the target. (And if you are standing in front of the target, I'm kind of thinking that you deserve to get shot with an arrow. I guarantee you that it would only happen once.)

It would appear that "The state Camp Directors Association backed the 2009 law, and Health Department spokeswoman Diane Mathis said the list of risky activities was crafted with help from camp groups." Risky activities. That would be fine if they actually included risky activities in their list. Wiffle ball isn't risky! Oh, and if you're wondering what they don't think is risky, that would include Frisbee, tug of war and sack races. Sack races?! There's a risky activity! Trying to hop around in a burlap sack? That never ends well. How did sack races make the list but Red Rover has to go? Because people are morons, that's how.

Now, they did interview two fairly reasonable people who agreed that banning these activities was ludicrous. But, they also interviewed one softheaded individual, a one Kim Wainwright (whose head, I'm assuming, is softer than melted butter), who has a 5-year old and who said, "Kids these days are kinda brutal so I can see those games being dangerous...I agree with it." No mention of teaching kids not to be "kinda brutal". No mention of the games not being dangerous in the first place! Just don't let them do it. Don't try to help them have fun. Don't try to teach them that getting hurt is a part of life. Just don't let them do it. Good Lord....

And my frustration doesn't end with just her. No, I did something that I shouldn't have. Why couldn't I have just learned from my experience yesterday and not taken the poll? Why? I don't know either, but I did. I took the poll. Here is the question: "Do you agree with the Health Department that Wiffle Ball, kickball and Red Rover are dangerous?" Here are your choices (even though you know how it's going to turn out):

Yes, kids could get seriously hurt playing them.

No, they're childhood classics that every kid can enjoy.

I'm too stupid to make a rational decision on this issue. (Again, I made that up and the real choice was "I don't know"."

I hope you're sitting down because eighty seven percent answered "Yes, kids could get seriously hurt playing them." Eighty-seven percent. Eighty-seven percent think that kids shouldn't play kickball or dodgeball or freeze tag because they might get hurt. Eighty-seven percent. We're scroomed. So completely scroomed.

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Taking It Lying Down

About the only thing(s) that I dislike about the Internet is/are that it is a very effective tool for a) spreading the word of idiots, b) spreading the word of idiots but making it sound to other idiots that it's not idiotic, and c) getting idiots everywhere to unite in idiocy.

Case in point would be this example gleaned from The Daily Mail, which describes an activity that is "...perhaps the most bizarre internet phenomenon yet to sweep the globe." Now, I don't know about that. I mean, "most bizarre"? Come on. That's a pretty tall order to fill. There are a lot of "bizarre" things out there. Far more than we ever needed to know about, but now DO thanks to the Internet. But the phenomenon of which they speak? (Wait for it.)

"The Lying Down Game". Behold!

The sad part is that it's exactly what it sounds like. The "goal" or "object" (otherwise known as "part that makes you look like an idiot") is to find some place that is as public as possible (what does that mean? As "public as possible"? What are the different degrees of "public"? If you're out, you're out! Hence the term "public". But what do I know? I'm not an idiot.) and then, you guessed it, lie down.

So that people don't go all rogue on the whole "lying down" concept, there ARE guidelines! For cryin' out loud, you don't think that they were just going to start some sort of worldwide Internet phenomenon without some sort of instructionary guidelines, did you?! Of course not! (Because no rules? Well, that would just be stupid.) If you plan to do this, "Players are told they must have their palms flat against their sides with the tips of their toes touching the ground." Now, it doesn't seem to say anything about facing up or facing down, but the pics that I've seen of this (many of which I have reproduced here, with neither permission, nor malice, from The Daily Mail), the moronsparticipants are lying face down. My guess on that is they have an inkling as to how stupid this is and are trying to avoid being identified by their friends, family, future employers and the like. (I didn't include "current employers" on that list because, well, you know...I thought that "future employers" was probably a stretch, but I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt on occasion.)

The Daily Mail thinks that two doormen from Newcastle, a one Scott Wood and a one Wayne Pyle, may be to blame for this one. They set up a Facebook page after a trip to Majorca with some buddies. The one Scott Wood, age an incredible 34, explained, "I thought lying on the floor would be a funnier way to pose for my holiday snaps." This guy must be a riot at get togethers.


Of course, now that idiots worldwide have gotten wind of this, Mr. Wood felt the need to wax poetic and imply that the whole thing was about something that is most certainly is NOT about when he said "'There's so much misery around these days, with the recession and everything - this is an excuse to have a joke and do something silly." With the recession and everything. And everything? Couldn't think of another catch-word to go with "recession" that would explain why people are doing this? Yes, the only way to escape our "misery" is to go face down in the middle of the street, head to toe, with a bunch of other folks. Seems to me that, should traffic suddenly appear on, of all places, the STREET, that your "misery" is about to get a whole lot worse. (They're like one giant speed bump.)

A one 23-year old Danielle Mitchell, also hailing from Newcastle, said she and her friends "...are always looking for weird places to lie down." (I can only imagine. But please don't make me.) She endorses this activity by stating, "I think everyone should have a go at the Lying Down Game - it's very liberating." Um, what exactly are you being liberated FROM there, Cupcake?

As to further the definition of "public", the article says that "It seems no location is out of bounds, with people lying down roofs, in the middle of the road, in front of tanks, across bars in pubs and on table football games." Oh, well, come on! Show of hands, who has NOT been face down in a bar at some point?! Anyone?? I didn't think so! You can call it whatever you want, but that's known around here as "Tuesdays".

Look, how about a compromise? Instead of encouraging new idiotic behaviors, ie, "The Lying Down Game", how about we just reinforce societal behaviors that we don't really care for but that probably aren't going to change anyway? My suggestion? I'm calling it "Thumbs for Bums". The object is to find a bum somewhere, any bum and anywhere, and have a picture of yourself next to said bum giving the ol' thumbs up sign! Bonus points if you can get the bum to give the thumbs up as well.

How many bums can you find? Find 'em all and win the knowledge of where NOT to go in your city or town! It could also be called "Bum Spotting" or "Bum Caching". We'll have markers on a Google map! And a wiki! Wiki-Bum! Bums by climate region! Bums celebrating various holidays! Bums and their pets! And all with you right next to them giving them the ol' thumbs up! Nice job! Way to go! (I'm actually becoming quite enamored with this idea as I ramble along here. Look for pics of me and the bums in the near future! I'm right by San Francisco where there is a bum abundance. I could easily amass enough pics to compile a coffee table book. "Thumbs for Bums - A Pictoral Anthology of the West Coast Panhandler.")

Look, I suppose that at this point, it's all totally harmless. Sure! Go ahead! Lie down wherever you freaking want to! Enjoy. But just wait. Someone is going to feel the urge to "lie down" for the "Lying Down Game" and instead of "lie down" it will turn into "die down". If you think someone isn't going to do this in the lion cage at the zoo or between two annoyingly close apartment buildings, you're in for a surprise when someone does and it goes horribly awry.

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